Twilight Separation

Another poem, this time about not being with the one.

My friend

he is cruel

the creator's wicked humor

from one spirit

he created me and you

the light and the darkness

then separating us to world's end

destined never to meet

scattered, searching for the other

to make us whole

 

what sick pleasure does he get

seeing us wander, waiting

one in pain without the other

Never knowing the comfort

of our dusk and dawn

from I,

the one who left you

the one who came to you

the one who loves you

the one who's heart

is tortured by the idea

of a smile, a heart

becoming a sactuary

that breaks the bonds of light and darkness

and never knowing

its peace

 

betwix and between

the twilights of fate

My friend, shine

greater than the sun itself

for if we never meet

I will find comfort

knowing you have not lost your light

for I am your darkness

he who left you

he who returns

he who loves you

he who blankets the sky to see you shine

Author's Note

I didn't put any puncuation, sorry

Reviews

[Emily B]

The light and the darkness are of one whole. That jumped out at me. It can be improved. Punctuation might help with that if applied judiciously.

But more important for where you are in writing poetry right now is that you WRITE. Editing is SUPER-important. But don't let it get in the way of your creative juices just yet.

[Randal Bright]

Great write you have here! I'm really digging your poetry, the vivid imagery that's just strewn everywhere here. Very inspiring for me. Yin and yang... Light and dark, separate, distinctively opposites, yet light cannot exist without darkness, as darkness cannot exist without light. Brilliant work here, maybe try and get some works published? Local newspapers/magazines? Work up from there? It'll do wonders.


It takes the pinnacle of all energy for light to travel, yet darkness is all and everywhere.

[Justin Tobey]

Awesome job! Very definitive of the separation of light and dark, fitting considering the title. You can feel the longing of the narrator to be with the one they love, longing more powerful than the cosmos. Excellent poem. : )

[1809 Black Plague Decem..]

this is beautiful Strife,
I'm not good with punctuation either,
but I see that the sheep was lost, and so
God, will see him back when he is ready,
and warmth him when he comes from the cold
-----great imagery, maybe i got the wrong interpretation,
but I found it profound, ----x mishel

[Collect-Eye]

I'd put my money on a black hole in a tug of war over the center of the Milky Way galaxy any day of the week... it's kind of a no brainer.