Bad Action Hero

Bad Action Hero

A Chapter by Wulfstan Crumble

Jamal needs all his driving skills.


     Limbs froze as something rolled out of the darkness and straight towards them. “Great balls of…” Jo exclaimed.

“Actually it’s only one…”

Jamal eyed up the situation and put his foot down. The car sped towards the ball at a hundred. Jo stuck the camera out of the window, Trakker cocked his gun, and Junko clung to Small Packet even tighter, who complained loudly. “The f**k you doing man? Turn around!”

      As barely a hundred meters separated the car from the ball Jamal swerved into a driveway. They watched as the collection of manure and mud rumbled past, skimming the left wing-mirror as it did so. Jo fell back as he got the mother of all close-ups. As soon as the thing had passed half-a-dozen police-cars and military trucks, sirens blaring, raced down the road after it.

      Moments passed before any of them could speak. “That’s why I won five races last year,” Jamal laughed.

      “I bet you gave your bosses kittens,” Trakker joked.

      “Every darn day,” Jamal was enjoying his moment.

“Where are we?”

“Hell if I know. We keep on driving.”

      As if to reinforce their need to get going the trees began to sway again. Jamal pulled the car out and they continued along the, even dirtier, road. Behind them the horizon briefly lit up with an orange glow which eventually dulled to red.

      Jamal pulled the car out. They had travelled only a few meters when something exploded out of the trees on their right. Jamal swerved to the left and skidded to a halt. A giant black leg, covered in tooth-like spikes, smashed down next to the car, then another on the other side. In all six legs planted themselves around the car. Junko screamed. Small Packet pulled out a pistol of his own. Trakker turned to Jamal; gun in hand. “Are you ready?”

      Jamal revved the engine. Trakker leaned out the window, aimed the gun and fired off a round. The creature was gigantic; easily two stories tall when on all fours. Its body was divided into three jet black parts; each covered in a thick looking exoskeleton. It grazed the bug’s leg. The car sped forward. The bug kept up. He could not believe that he was right. He fired again at the bugs fast moving legs. Jamal swerved to avoid the piercing legs.

      In the back of the car the girls continued to scream. Jo tried to get it all on film as the car bounced around. Trakker had seen some strange s**t in his time in the marines but never this. It was hard to get a clear shot as the car careened down the road. He fired a few times but seemed to miss. The car bounced and his last shot hit a joint. The bug began to limp and fall back. “Keep going!” he shouted.

      Jamal frowned. “I’ll keep going!”

      Behind them the bug disappeared from view as Jamal skidded to a halt. Up ahead they saw two people standing by the roadside. A blonde lady and an older man dressed in white laboratory coats. Jamal looked Trakker in the eye, “Okay, you are right. I say we head on home before that thing comes back.”

      “No,” Trakker disagreed. “I say we go on a bug hunt. You fancy some extermination Small Packet? Wanna make that movie Jo?”

      “Sure do,” they both replied.

      Jamal punched the steering wheel. “This is my car. I’m in charge, not you. I say we get the hell out of here.”

© 2008 Wulfstan Crumble

Author's Note

Wulfstan Crumble
I really need help on writing action scenes.

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Added on April 2, 2008


Wulfstan Crumble
Wulfstan Crumble

Cirencester, England, and Kishiwada, Osaka, United Kingdom

Wulfstan Crumble is a 27 year old Englishman. He is currently working on a plethora of pieces for various anthologies and magazines (hoping not all will get rejected). He really hopes that some o.. more..