What is your beautiful name??

*blush*

Open eyes, Dreamy words,
How do I suppose you know that I,,,,
Have love for you,,,,
And I ask you, What is your beautiful name?

Shiny lips, Smiling cheeks,
How am I suppose to ask you,
Any love for me,,,,
And I ask you, What is your beautiful name?

A red rose, is a metaphor,
But does it tell you any difference
I can make to you,,,,
And I ask you, What is your beautiful name?

Shaky approach, Swinging hope,
How are u supposed to be such a beautiful,
Day dream for me....
And i ask you, What is your beautiful name?

Reviews

[AprilRN1210]

very sweet, romantic dreamy write.. few questions or suggestions.. in all of the stanzas except one, the second line included the words "how am I suppose to, or how are you supposed to".. not sure if you left that one out on purpose or not, just pointing it out.. also you spelled "you" out and then just typed "u" in some lines, not sure if did that on purpose either.. kinda takes away a little bit from the heartfelt sentiment to just have u instead of you.... (in my opinion).. also the lowercase I feels a little weaker to me as well.. this one is about feelings, dreams, making a move on this awesome person, and wouldn't do it with just a shaky little "i" would do it with a big confident I.... (again, my opinion)... one other suggestion.. "how are you supposed to be such (a) beautiful day dream for me).. think it flows better this way..

I love the way each stanza starts out.. the word choices and how they are arranged and the evolution happening throughout the poem.. the repetition seems nice.. overall well done my friend.. it is so nice to see you back.. you have a beautiful heart and it shines through in your writing.. :)

[Sunya]

Your suggestions are always appreciated :) I edited the u's and the week i's hehe :) thankyou for pointing it out though it was just written on the flow of emotions :) yes i left the 'how am i supposed to' on purpose
Thankyou April you are too sweet :)
No butterflies though rite hehe

[AprilRN1210]

no butterflies, but sweet sentiment was expressed well.. I admit, I am picky with those butterflies, takes digging deep for me to have socks knocked off.. :) and you're welcome always..

[Saddam]

A red rose, is a metaphor,
But does it tell you any difference
I can make to you,,,,
And I ask you, What is your beautiful name?

Beautiful write dear friend. Season of spring is coming. I like it.