Save Me

im in your cave
im your slave
promising you that ill behave
trying to do right, but all in vein

please dont leave me alone again
i cant go on without you my friend
you said you loved me but you lied
im empty without you inside

someone save me from this place
this place im in this place i hate
save me before its to late
save me before i seal my fate

really f*****g hate this place
trapped inside your cold embrace
you take the smile off my face
and make me slip and fall from grace

i fight you every single day
you make me think its ok
i cant believe the things you say
you hide the line with shades of gray
wont you please just go away

will someone save me from this place
this place im in this place i hate
save me before its to late
save me before i seal my fate

another day another war
nothing left worth fighting for
yet im back for another tour
like its d day im on normandies shores

angels around me demons within
feeding off all my anger and sin
how long can i fight til i give in
whys it feel like i lose when i win?

will someone save me from this place
this place im in this place i hate
save me before its to late
save me before i seal my fate

its the darkest before the dawn

its been dark for way to long

someone save me i cant go on

someone save me before i give in

and hide the lies beneath my skin

someone save me before the demon wins

before i lose my life and make it his

before this rain makes me melt

will you please just save me
if i cant save myself........

Reviews

[Shogun]

Hi again, SweetLoU

This poem reminds me of the Joan Jett song, I hate myself for loving you ( Which, coincidentally is playing in my background right now ). The words flow with little turbulence in this one, and there is an error on the first and last stanza, vain, instead of vein and far too long instead of far to long. Be sure to edit those, and the punctuation errors like D-Day and I'm instead of im because they're put-off for me. Other than that, I've no ill will against this poem.

Other than that, the poem is not too shabby, beautifully conveying the feelings of the protagonist, and despite the errors above, runs quite smoothly. I personally enjoy poems that rhyme a little more (No offense intended) so well, yeah, I generally like this piece of your prose though I prefer The Outcast or The cell.

Shogun