The Truth

Dunno people's reaction to this, but this is just a little look at, well, at me I guess...

Started to dislike everything I write, because I write from the heart,
But that's a part of me that I always keep in the dark.
And no one likes the truth about themselves, and when you put that on paper it's fact. You can't deny it's how you feel, you wrote it in black,
Or blue ink and it's there and it hurts.
And the worst part is that you don't know what's worse,
The fact that your own words sting, or that you know that it's true.
Every sad word written in black and white is all about you.
Every angry scream, every sad short verse.
Every line, every word, every shout, every curse,
Is written by a young boy trying hard to be a man.
Trying hard to do right and do the best that he can.
And he writes it all down, in the hopes that you'll care.
He doesn't know how to talk, it's the only way he can share.
4 o'clock in the morning, when you're cuddled in bed,
He's awake and alone wrestling the thoughts in his head.
And now I've written this and put it out it'll only make the situation worse, because people stay away from troubled people like they are gonna adopt their curse.
So I'm gonna go to sleep and wake up with a smile, because pretending everything is fine works. For a while.

Author's Note

Just be truthful

Reviews

[Ryan Zeller]

I like the part in the beginning about a person disliking what they put on paper, whether it's about themselves or a story they've written. It's natural for people to be critical of themselves, and it's an interesting comparison to think about how that relates to their criticism of their own writing.

Anyway, I also like the looseness of this piece. There's no exact rhythm, but it still works. My biggest suggestion would be to avoid simple/common rhymes. It helps to just take a look at the end of your lines and focus on which words you're rhyming. "True/you," "man/can," "care/share..." could use some improving, for example. You don't have to use a thesaurus, but one goal should be to surprise your audience with your rhymes while still retaining meaning.

[Kimberly "Melody" Carne..]

I love the honesty and the raw upfront manner in this write. As if your saying I am writing this for me...read it or not...doesn’t matter, cuz there my thoughts. You’re a potent person with depth beyond your years, this opens up a part of you that is passionate to point sometime unable to contain. So you write. With passion like yours I bet you either speak your voice and get shut down, or in cave and get brushed aside. You cradle a gift that will revile its purpose in time. Listen to your passion, understand it, mold it, and grow from it. When the time comes and the purpose is reviled you will be the powerhouse while others buckle and fall. Great write my friend!

[Javan]

Wow... What more can I say than thank you very much! :D