Chapter 1 - Midnight Calling

Keira is haunted by a dream of a mysterious women. But when the dream begins to call out to her, she is eager to find out the meaning behind this nightly occurrence. With the help of an elder monk she soon discovers the secrets of hidden past she knew not

As the sun set beneath the crest of the mountains, it cast an eerie glow throughout the skies above, highlighting the pallid face of a young woman who stood silently upon the cool grass of the cliff's edge. She had been standing there for some time, overlooking the frightening depths of the crystal clear ocean that gradually grew black as the sun slowly crept beneath the horizon. The sky was a brilliant display of subdued undertones; hazy grays, and golden yellow, royal purples, and rich lavenders, all of which painted the heavens with their beauty. She watched as the waves moved back and forth, crashing into the jagged rocks below, and gazed at a group of birds that soared the skies like mischievous children.

 

 

A cool breeze kept her in a sense of ease as it kissed her pale cheeks softly, gently ruffling the ends of her long, white dress. And a light mist dampened her hair, as she studied the erratic behavior of the birds that flew above the ocean below. But of all the birds there was one that stole her attention from the others. Concealed by black feathers, it resembled that of a raven gliding gracefully amongst the rest; almost as if it were dancing. Its freedom disgusted her and for a moment she wondered what it would feel like to be free of the reality that consumed her happiness.

 

 

She closed her eyes tightly listening to the crashing waves as they grew louder with each passing moment. They seemed to whisper her name soft and eerily. But as she opened her eyes, the whispering continued.
"Free yourself, Clara." The voice whispered. "Free yourself.”

 

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It was morning now and Keira had woken from the dream gasping for a breath of air. Her body left feeling as thou held down in a pool of cold water, forcing her to hold on to the last remaining breath of air in her lungs. Her eyes were fixated upon the ceiling above her, until realizing she was no longer lost within the dream. Slowly, Keira wiped away the beaded droplets of sweat upon her forehead. She took in a deep breath and closed her eyes tightly, dropping her limp body back onto the soft cushion of her mattress.
It had been the same dream that haunted her since childhood. Only now was it becoming more clear to her, more vivid, more real. At times Keira could feel herself become bound to the somber emotions of the woman in her dreams, never knowing the reasons why.

 

And she had told no one other than her parents of these reoccuring nightmares. Her siblings had only known due to the constant disturbances of Mr. and Mrs. Blakely running up and down the narrow stairwell of their cottage home.

 

Each night, dripping beads of cold water from a dampened cloth above her forehead as they called out her name, waking her from the depths of her slumbers.

 

Ermina Blakely, Keira's mother, was on many occasions unsure of what more she could do for her daughter. She would simply pray, and hope that things would get better with time, but she was never sure if they truly would. But this night was not like the rest, Keira was able to sleep throughout the night, and wake in the early morning, and thou feeling out of breath, she was well rested. Her body only left hindered by confusion, and bewilderment, as she pondered the meaning the dreams once more.

                

         © Copyright 2008 Nataliya Maize. All rights reserved.

 

Author's Note

Please let me know if there are any grammar issues, or areas you think need a little touch up work.

Reviews

[Silvario]

A great start. Excellent into to Keira's character. Setting the environment and her current issues and a bit of background.
I love the details and descriptive nature of your writing style. Very professional.
No grammer issues or anything I could spot. But then i was sucked into the story so might have missed something had it been there. :)

Well done, on to the next chapter ... :)

[Darken Eyes]

a lovely start Nataliya Maize

[writingcrazy55555]

Excellent story, great descriptions! Well-written and vivid

[Lia]

This is a fantastic start and a great description bringing you into the story. Nice work.

[Aria]

Nice write Nataliya. Sorry I couldn't get to it sooner. I love your imagery and the tone you bring in. The theme is familiar but you were able to turn it into your own.

[Lorraine]

The dream was well-described. I love its vividness and creativity. I can almost imagine the exact scene inside my head. It's really good. This is the kind of story that compels one to keep on reading until the very last chapter. I think it actually has a potential to be a good novel. Good Job.

Keep Writing. ^___^

[spence]

You used the word 'was' instead of 'had' at the beginning of the last sentence. I also feel the sentence is a bit long to hold the meaning- I imagine coming from a dream with misfiring brain cells giving me shorter dialogue and don't feel it was reflected at the last. Also, it took me a while to read through;
' The sky was a brilliant display of subdued undertones; hazy grays, and golden yellow, royal purples, and rich lavenders, all of which painted the heavens with their beauty.'
It reads, to me, as if the sentence ends how it begins, if you know what i mean? I think a simpler 'that painted the heavens' or similar, may work better on the end. Finally- just a slight point, I was momentarily confused as to who Mr and Mrs Blakely were. Do they need to be reffered to so formally do you think? It made me think they were the neighbours or that Kiera was from a really wealthy family that had live in servants for a while and that made me re-assess the story at too early a juncture. I'm not sure that knowing Kiera's surname is all that important at this point- as i suspect that was your intention. That didn't really work for me, but I'm just being fussy now- apart from the formal titles given to Kiera's parents I think the background info was fluidly conveyed and it blended well into the body of the story.
Other than that I enjoyed reading this. The dream sequence was well detailed and it made me want to guess that Clara is Keira in a previous life. Tell me if you want me to focus more on positives by the way- I usually do, but I'm following your author's notes to the letter.
Oh yeah- speaking of which- i wish you hadn't told the reader about the origin of the journal entries on the last page! I like a surprise! The jounal log is a nice touch though, just didn't comment as I wanted to get on with the story! spence

[1809 Black Plague Decem..]

I love the imagery, the beginning is so detailed. I like the fact the voice speaks out to her,
one cannot tell its origiin yet, but only surmise. I'd say eerie is used often, replace it with other synomyms. =) ----mishel

[Katherine Hall]

A very intriguing opening! I liked the vivid, colorful descriptions of the dream, and the transition from dreaming world to waking world is smooth.
I would be careful of too much wordiness in your dream sequence. For example, the word "silently" is used frequently to describe Clara on the cliff, and the paragraph describing her location, while lovely, is loaded with so many adjectives it sounds a bit cumbersome when read. The only other line I felt was a bit 'much' was about the black bird: "Concealed by black feathers, it resembled that of a raven gliding gracefully amongst the rest"--> Does it have other feathers under the black ones, or is it just a black-feathered bird? The phrase "it resembled that of a raven" doesn't exactly make sense here. If Clara doesn't know what kind of bird it is, but THINKS it looks like a raven, perhaps "the bird, black and graceful, looked like a raven gliding gracefully..." or something similar.
On the whole, it is an excellent start. I look forward to reading more.
~Katherine

[London Calling]

This is overall a good story. Some grammar issues that I have but are purely my opinion. Your sentences run a little long with allot of commas...I make the same mistake often. But apart from that I found nothing horribly grammatically incorrect at all.

This is an interesting concept and I am keen to see where you are going to take this!
Kudos
LC