Chapter 3 - Hindrance

Chapter 3 - Hindrance

A Chapter by Nataliya Maize

After a long day of work, Keira returns home, only to be haunted later by the same dream, this time is it her name that is called upon. Frightened, she admits that the dreams are worsening & requests that Brother Thomas help her seek answers.

Previous Version
This is a previous version of Chapter 3 - Hindrance.


         That evening Keira returned home to the smell of a savory aroma. Freshly cut basil, and roasted chicken filled the air, as she watched her tiny mother cooking over the heat of a black, iron cast stove.
Her brothers Micheal, and Anthony, and sister May, clustered around their father watching as he chopped wood for the fireplace. Micheal, chucking them in one at a time, as each piece clunked to the floor with a loud “Thud!”.  

          "You missed it Keira!” Anthony hollered, from the seat of a large red chair, much larger than he was. “After you left, James fell and took a nasty face plant straight into the ground! You should have seen his face! It was... haa... lair... rious!" He cried, grabbing the sides of his stomach as he laughed and balanced his weight upon the edge of the chair.
         "Is he okay?"

         "Oh yeah... he's fine, a little bruised... but you know James, nothing phases him."

         Keira shook her head and continued on towards the kitchen. But as she made her way she was halted when a tiny blonde boy with a large white bandage taped across the bridge of his nose, and two puffy black circles for eyes, ran into her.

        "James!?" Keira cried in surprise. “Are you okay?”

        "I think... I broke... my nose." The boy replied in a thick nasely tone, grabbing as the sides of her puffy red cheeks. There was a high pitched squeal of laughter that shot across the room. It was Anthony, still gripping at the sides of his stomach. His smaller than normal frame falling into the oversized chair as he kicked his feet out from under him hysterically.

        "Oh, shut up!" Muttered James, barely able to move his mouth without grimacing in pain.

         “Ms. Evelyn told me to tell you hello for her."

         "Evelyn... and how is she doing these days?”

         "She's fine, defending me from Mr. Garrison as usual, who still thinks I should be married by now." She reached out for the small bowl of apples behind her mother, quickly taking a bite and swallowing it before continuing. "He offered his son to me." she giggled.

         "Oh... did he now? You know... that boys an attractive one he is, wouldn’t mind tradin yer father in for a boy like that." her mother smirked.

         "Mother!" Keira gasped.

         "Oh, I'm just kidding sweet heart... now you would you mind helpin' me place these dishes on the table?" Keira took the dishes from her mothers hands, and laid them across the wooden dining table.

         "So Mr. Garrison offered you his son did he?!" hollered Mr. Blakely, as he picked himself up from the living room floor, throwing the last piece of chopped log into the fireplace.

         "Oh don't start that again Wilburn, you know Keira has no intentions of settling down with some boy she barely knows. Besides... I think she'd do well working in the family business with me, an she’d have time to write that book of hers."

         "Ermina, you know authors aren't looked at highly in todays society. Most books these days are just a bunch of old rubbish. Besides she'd have plenty of time to write a book if she would just settle down with the right man with a sturdy job. And that Garrison boy... let me tell you... he has a nice job!"

            "I don't even know him." Keira argued.
"Well you should... you know that boy is going to be a banker one day. Heard he found himself a job at the downtown bank, working along side one of the assistant managers. They seem to have had a real taking to him." ranted Mr. Blakely.

         "He's not my type." Keira replied, as she took another bite of her apple.

            "You don't even know him...remember?" her father replied whispering in her ear with crooked smile. Keira grinned in return at his come back, he had her there she had to admit.

         "Besides... I enjoy writing, and I think I'd be really good at it." Mr. Blakely grunted at Keira's reply and took a seat at the dining room table, she knew she had shut her father up once again, and so tried to hide her amusement from behind what was left of the tiny green apple she held in her hand.

         "If Keira wants to write, then I say let the poor girl write, there's nothing wrong with that Wilburn." Ermina replied calmly. "Children! Come down here, its time for dinner!" she yelled cupping her tiny hands around her mouth.

         Mr. Blakely was displeased, and as he gazed upon his daughter he knew that he had lost this battle as well, another argument he would have to learn he couldn’t win. And with that, Keira returned her father's dissatisfied glare throwing him a quick smile response as she bounced on balls of her feet, a silly sign of victory towards him, because she knew she had won this round once again.

         After dinner, Keira returned to her room, plopping her weary body upon the soft pillowly cushions of an unmade bed, only to fall asleep after glancing up at the many stars outside her bedroom window, slowly drifting away into the same dream that took her each and every night.

         Again, she watched as the same pale faced woman, stood over the cliff’s edge, bordering an unfamiliar coastline. The woman stood there silently, over looking the depths of the ebony ocean. The sunset sky, decorated in its usual brilliance as the women watched the waves crash against the jagged rocks below, her gaze meeting a mysterious group of birds that soared the skies as they had done so many times before.

         A cool breeze gently ruffling the ends of her white dress, as a thin mist dampened the woman's long, black draping hair. Still, she remained, studying the erratic behavior of the birds that swooped in from the ocean below. But there was something different, something new, slowly Keira felt herself become bound to the woman’s emotions, until suddenly, it was her heart that raced with fear, her eyes that gazed upon the birds that drew near. And slowly without consent Keira felt herself grow anxious, unable to control the emotions that were no longer hers, but that belonged purely to the woman. Slowly Keira could feel herself become entranced
by the raven that glided gracefully amongst the others, seeming as though it were dancing. She could feel herself become overwhelmed, disgusted by its freedom, wondering to herself what it would feel like to be free of the reality that consumed her.

         She closed her eyes tightly, listening to the crashing of the waves that grew louder with each second, and suddenly she could hear the soft whispers of her name. She opened her eyes, and still the whispering continued.

         "Free yourself Clara." it called. "Free yourself."

         "No, not again." she whispered.

         "Free yourself, Clara... you know you want to." The voice grew louder.

         "No... go away!" she screamed, tugging at the roots of her hair, beating on her skull as she shook her head, as if doing so would rid her of the voices that dwelled within. But nothing helped, and the voices remained, continuing their maddening ways.

         "Claarrraaaa..." the voices whispered again.

         "Go away! Please! Just leave me alone!" she cried. Tears began to swell in her eyes, and she rubbed them away as they ran down her pale cheeks to the narrow tip of her chin. Her eyes stung as if they were on fire, and her whole body quivered with fear and apprehension, causing her to lose her balance, until finally she fell to her knees landing crouched over the edge of the cliff. She gripped the edge tightly, like a mother holding her newborn child for the first time. Her eyes remaining fixated upon the waves that crashed into the jagged rocks below. Her breathing was unstable, and she panted like a young pup, as she felt her heart race at hundred miles a minute, pounding with an extreme anticipation that bordered on a sense of violation she had never felt before.

         She looked up, and gazed again at the raven that danced across the night skies, noticing that this time the raven was alone.

         She could hear it squawking at her as if mocking her insanity, laughing at the fact that she could not control the voices that imprisoned her in a world of insanity. Soon there were more voices that filled her head, and tormented her with their wicked and evil ways, like that of vicious demons trying to devour the innocence within her soul. Voices which sounded like that of a woman's and a large cluster of mad screams and laughter that resembled the voices of mischievous children. All together, were they mixed in an uneven pattern that made each distinct from the other, until finally uniting themselves, creating that of a single demonic voice.

         "Clara." the voice called in a calm tone. She was surprised by the sudden disturbance, and did not take so well to the calling of her name, for she knew who and what it was that stood so quietly behind her since suddenly it was as if all time had froze. The water frozen like ice upon the rocks below, the air was still and absent of any breeze. Trees remained motionless as if taken out of a still-life photo. Even every single individual blade of grass that lay across the bare earth beneath her, stood frozen, and intertwined between her still and fragile fingers, as if time itself had stopped.

         Slowly she began to turn her head. Her heart racing faster with each second that seemed to pass. She could feel the blood in the veins of her neck coursing throughout her very being. Yes... she knew this voice, and she knew it very well. And yet again it whispered..."Keeeeiiiirrrraaa."

         "Keira, wake up! Wake up child!

         "Huh? Wha... What? What happened? Keira asked liturgically.

         "Your dreaming dear... pitching another one of yer fits again, and sweating up a storm I might add. Oh child, these dreams of yours... their getting worse aren't they? Oh... look at you! You look as if you've seen a ghost, an you feel as if yer running a fever!"

         "I'm fine mother, really I am. It was just another... " she sighed to herself, she knew it didn't matter what she said. "Just another nightmare really."

         "And same one as before no doubt? Was it the woman on the cliffs again?" her mother's face filled with hopeless desperation, as she continued to whip the sweat from Keira's face. "Oh seriously Keira, I don't know what to do will you anymore. One of these days yer going to be the death of me. Here..." her mother sighed. "Take this cloth an wipe yer face off with some cool water. I'm going to go have a talk with brother Thomas."

         "Brother Thomas? What's he doing here?”

         "It had taken me so long to wake you, yer father an I didn't know what more to do... so we called for him over from the monastery."

         "Mother... there's no need."

         "Hush... now you try to relax, while I run downstairs an tell the others yer fine. And don't you go fallin into to another one of those dreams of yours again ya here!"

         Keira sighed and collapsed back unto her pillow. "Trust me, I don't plan on it..." she whispered to herself.

         Mrs. Blakely ran downstairs to find Brother Thomas at the front doorway talking with Mr. Blakely about Keira's condition.

         "Are you okay sister?" said a tiny voice. It was May who appeared from around the corner of Keira's doorway, she was bare foot and dressed in a small, white, cotton-laced nightgown.

         "Go back to bed May." Keira whispered in response. "I'm fine... really, it’s okay."

         "You didn't sound fine." replied the tiny girl as she ran up and hugged her sister tightly, kissing her flatly on the forehead. "Love you." she added, pulling away to stare into her older sister's eyes intently, her tiny face positioned in a pout as she patted the top of Keira's head, and ran off out the door.

         Keira slowly rose to her feet to tip toed over to the enterance of her doorway. She could hear whispers from downstairs, and was curious as to what was going on since she knew it was her mother speaking to her father and Brother Thomas. They were discussing something in what sounded like an urgent tone. But the conversation faded in and out and she could barely make out what was being said, so she pressed herself closer to the doorway, trying desparately to hear the conversation without allowing anyone to see that she was nearly standing in the hallway.

         "It's happening again Thomas. These dreams are getting worse, I can tell. It's getting harder and harder for me to wake her each time! I'm afraid..." her mother paused, shaking her head towards the ground. "I'm afraid for her!" pleaded Mrs. Blakely, in a hushed tone. The conversation faded out again as Mrs. Blakely lowered her voice further, hoping not to wake the other children.  “What if he..." the tiny women sighed "Evo forbid, but what if he can..." she paused again momentarily, as if she was unable to finish her sentence."what if he has some control over her through these dreams? She needs to know Thomas." whispered Mrs. Blakely. "I don't know how much more she can handle of this, before these dreams start to drive her mad."
         "He?" Keira thought to herself. Did her mother know something that she did not? Had she known all along that this day would come?

         "Ay.'' sighed Thomas. "I believe your right Ermina, it's time. I don't think we can hide these matters from her any longer, not before things begin to get worse. She needs to know what's going on, and I will have to have a talk with her tomorrow..."

         "Wait!" Keira interrupted, unable to control her curiousity, and concern. "What... what's going on?!" she asked, bolting through her bedroom doorway and stepping down towards the cottage entrance. "Whatever you have to tell me, I'm ready now, I’m not an child anymore, I know these dreams are more then they appear. Especially from the expressions on your faces. I want to know the truth. I want to know what’s going on with me! What you say you've been hiding from me!" a look of confusion and betrayal stretched across her face. Brother Thomas glanced at her mother and father in puzzlement, and concern.

         "It's time Thomas... we knew this day would come sooner or later... we just hoped it wouldn’t come as soon as it did. She doesn't need to be left in the dark any longer." replied Keira's father in a sorrowful tone. He watched as his wife shed a single tear that ran down the side of her face, it seemed as if suddenly the poor woman's heart had broken and she was about to collasp. He reached out for his wife with an open arm and pulled her close. "There's no use... I always told myself that she would grow up someday and have an life of her own here. But there's no use pretending that the truth isn't real anymore." Mr. Blakely continued.

         "Very well... pack your things child. We leave tonight for the monastery. But I warn you... the things that will be revealed to you are not of your world, and once the doors of truth are open to you, you will no longer be able to return to the world you once thought you knew. Is that something you are truly ready for, and willing to accept?" Thomas asked.

         "These dreams are getting stronger and stronger; I'm falling Thomas... but I've been trying to make myself believe that these dreams aren't as strong as they are. The truth is... that's a lie. I need to know the truth. I can't keep running from this anymore. I need your help Thomas."


         © Copyright 2008 Nataliya Maize. All rights reserved.


© 2009 Nataliya Maize

Author's Note

Nataliya Maize
I've just completely re-edited this chapter. I wanted to tighten up a few things, and fix some of the phasing of the paragraphs. I'm hoping that this version sounds much better then before, and that it flows nicely throughout. I tend to write in lengthy amounts and I wanted to make sure that I didn't lose my reader's interest. Please also let me know if their are any grammatical errors.

Featured Review

an intriguing development. you do an excellent job of setting us up and leaving us in suspense at the end of the chapter as im most eager to find out whats behind the dreams.

once again, very very well written with great detail and realism.

only noticed a few scattered typos. grammer, from my perspective, seems fine.

will hit ch4 soon. :)

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 10 Years Ago

2 of 2 people found this review constructive.


nice chapter. It definately has a good cliff hanger at the end that will make people want to read more. The only thing that I keep stumbling is the italics. Normally, italics mean either emphasis on a word or phrase and they can also indicate thought. So I'm not used to seeing so many. Otherwise I love it. The plot flows fluidly and the imagery is a plus in this particular part of the story, when she is having the dream. On to read the next chapter.

Posted 9 Years Ago

1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

This comment is strictly grammatical errors, and then I will leave another for fluency and whatnot. So sorry I'm only just now getting to this--the holidays are busy!
Firsr off, If I tried to tell you about all of the places in this chapter where you have superfluous commas, It would take hours. So instead of doing that I'll just tell you this: If you have an 'and' you probably don't need a comma, if you have an 'as' you also probably don't need a comma. Commas should be used to set something apart from the rest of the sentence. If it doesn't need to be set apart, don't use a comma.

Okay. Now the sentence about Michael should be something like this: Michael chucked them in one at a time, each clunking to the floor... (this is para. 2 btw) the way you have it written now is not a sentence.

Hmmm...on second thought, this is going to take a long time. haha i'm sorry but this is rather hard to do this way, scrolling up and down. If you would like to email this to me, I would certainly be glad to edit it, and in a different color so as to make it a suggestion rather than just retyping your whole chapter. If you don't want to do this I completely understand, and I will just continue editing it in small portions, rather than a chapter at a time. Let me know :)

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 9 Years Ago

1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

this chapter was awesome 2!!!!! Im really hooked. I cant wait to find out whats going on with her. great job your an awesome writer

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 10 Years Ago

1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

shes a woman now and headed to find out what these dreams mean. Will she ever return???
I'm loving this story Nataliya! Your words and descriptions are great. I hope you get this published someday.
I'm off to read the next chapter.


This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 10 Years Ago

an intriguing development. you do an excellent job of setting us up and leaving us in suspense at the end of the chapter as im most eager to find out whats behind the dreams.

once again, very very well written with great detail and realism.

only noticed a few scattered typos. grammer, from my perspective, seems fine.

will hit ch4 soon. :)

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 10 Years Ago

2 of 2 people found this review constructive.

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Added on March 24, 2009
Last Updated on December 19, 2009


Nataliya Maize
Nataliya Maize

Moreno Valley, CA

- When we were young, and life was different - Check out my websites: My Twitter: A.N.A. Twitter: more..


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