A World Without Her

~

A million times I've shed my tears

Though still her touch I miss.

Without her death, we could have lived

Unbridled in our bliss.

Our future lives were seized by grief,

I'm hostage now to pain.

That jocund voice no longer sings,

My pleas - I cry in vain.

My fingers arc with shaky hands

The letters on her stone.

I'm puzzled why we both exist

Dissected and alone.

For I - with time - shall never rest

Nor ever feel complete

Until that day at heaven's gate

When once again we meet.

Reviews

[Chris Shaw]

Well worth another visit. You write of grief so movingly here. Some losses can rock the core of the bereaved, they are felt so deeply. I felt this was one of those times.

[Tim]

Thank you very much, Chris. :)

[Susan 🦋]

So beautifully sad. Loss and grief in this life. How wonderful will the eternal reunion be. ☺️

[Tim]

Thanks for the comment, susan. :)

[John the Baptist]

Bereavement can be devastating. The speaker here was deeply involved with the deceased and cannot come to terms with her absence. The last verse is an indication he will take grief to his grave. Thus two lives will have been lost.

[Tim]

You're spot on, John. Thank you for the comment. :)

[Linda Marie Van Tassell]

This is a beautiful poem. From the moss-laden image to the grief-stricken words, you make the reader feel the pain of losing a loved one. I love it when words weep, and these certainly do. Well done.

[Tim]

I thank you, Linda for the comment. Much appreciated. :)

[Richard🖌]

Hi, Tim 🍂

Alas, though it be a true elegy for thy lost love, My Fine Poet Friend, your wondrously writ poem proudly stands upon a fluently firm Ballad foundation of spot-on rhymes, syntactically diction-driven to the very core of one's sad, yet renewed, spirits upon reuniting in the end.
A most splendid, apropos image greets your readers to the perfect atmospheric timbre, followed by an exemplary poetic rendering in imagery, metaphor, and emotional dirge only the most creative or factual pen could scribe upon a mourning page.

Stellar work, Poet … reverently, I bow! ⁓ Richard🍃

[Tim]

Coming from a master, your comment will be remembered for years to come. I thank you, Richard. :)

[Richard🖌]

My honor, Tim. ✊

[Chris Shaw]

A poem of profound loss. This reader felt the pain of grief and separation here. Conveyed wonderfully. Now where's my handkerchief to wipe those tears.

Chris

[Tim]

ha, thanks for the comment, Chris.

[rew]

It is unfortunate that you use the the phrase word of " unbridled "
the connotations within it are mostly those of sex and yet the protagonist is lamenting a death. And, seemingly, a death of a young person.
Perhaps " our future lives " should read " my future life..." Seeing as how she is dead and, presumably, cannot grieve.
" ...Jocund... " Well, that's in the wrong poem, "spirited " would've been far finer and in keeping with the dear departed.
As for the rest? I can't be bothered.

But, I do so admire your attempt at trying to write an elegy.
However, take no notice of me, what do I know? Listen to your inner voice and, what the hell, let flow. lol.
Oh, by the way Ballad stanzas are not used in an Elegy.
Regards from Rew.

[Tim]

unbridled
[ˌənˈbrīdld]
ADJECTIVE
uncontrolled; unconstrained.
"a moment of unbridled ambition" · [more]
synonyms:
unrestrained · unconstrained · uncontrolled · uninhibited · unrestricted ·

I'm not sure where you got the connotations of sex? Bliss can mean joy in life and being happy in a relationship.

I don't see anything wrong with "our future lives" but I understand what you're saying.

jocund
[ˈjäkənd, ˈjōkənd]
ADJECTIVE
formal
cheerful and lighthearted.
"a jocund wedding party"
synonyms:
cheerful · happy · jolly · merry · bright · sunny · joyous · lighthearted

I see nothing wrong with using the word Jocund.


"As for the rest? I can't be bothered."
If I'm not worth your time why bother leaving a review and pointing out what you think are mistakes? Why not just look for something you consider more advanced and worth your time?

"But, I do so admire your attempt at trying to write an elegy."
I had no intentions of writing an elegy. It says nothing about it being an elegy.
I just wrote what I wrote.

[SheIsMe]

Ahh my heart...beautifully written.

[Tim]

Thanks for reading S.

[Lea Sheryn]

Sad and tender and beautiful. Well done!

[emipoemi]

I have no words....my voice is in my awe! Well done!

[Tim]

Thank you.

[emipoemi]

my pleasure.