Spires of science

There was to be a tomorrow for us to share, but we ate it yesterday: greedily and with cream. I remember your face lit by the candlelight, so hungry for rebellion -- only as we swallowed the last morsels did we realise that hunger would have its revenge, a consequence of today's emptiness. Guilt sits heavy in our stomachs as we dream of the spaceships that have not been built, the spires of Science that we cannot contemplate while dreaming of technological emancipation. I held your hand and there was an old spoon still curled within it, I kissed your mouth and our promises still curdled in it. We could have had years together to watch progress unfold, but instead we burned through our possibilities with reckless passion, and its embers now grow cold.

Reviews

[Ben Walker]

Hey TLK - hope you've been keeping well. What a fantastic piece. "the spires of Science that we cannot contemplate while dreaming of technological emancipation" - the word awesome has never been so appropriate.
I'm sat here in the dark watching Fight Club and this really sent my mind off on one and I'm quite enjoying where it's ended up.

[Alyssa]

This is really good. I got emotional.

[paperfox]

At first glance I thought it a story presented in this style. But the fog cleared once I began to read. Nicely written. The flame still burns!

[Matthew Ian Herrawood W]

I like this. good picture you painted for us. I expected something that flowed rather than something that read like a paragraph from an overdetailed story but I enjoyed it.

[DayDreamer1292]

Beautiful piece of art! You painted a beautiful picture with your words!

[thelux]

Wow. I absolutely adore this. Usually, I get bored halfway through a lot of poetry I read, only because I have a short attention span, but the hook was great, and it just kept getting better. "we could have had years together to watch progress unfold, but instead we burned through our possibilities with reckless passion, and its embers now grow cold" The ending was beautiful, as was the rest of the poem. Bravo, my friend.

[Michael Wright]

Great piece you captured reality quite well

[Briana O'Connor]

Such a vivid and impacting weaving of words you have penned here. I love the story withing the poetic expression. The heartbreak and loss is ever so clear. Nicely penned.

[Hiba]

I loved the idea of this poem that sometimes our greed ruins everything leaving us in the dark to regret forever...Great piece..!!

[DaughterNature]

I looked at three pieces labeled as "poems" in your body of work, and they all had the same form as this one - do you really prefer prose poetry, or was this a formatting error?

I like the idea of eating the "tomorrow" - is that the resources of tomorrow, the energy? I also love the "with cream" that becomes "curdled" later on - does that happen because the cream has aged in the mouth without being swallowed, or because there is sourness in the mouth? After all the eating and emptiness, though, the "Guilt [sitting] heavy in our stomachs" is a little jarring and feels slightly out of place.

The science idea feels a little on-the-side here. I understand the connection between the science and the "tomorrow," but the beginning of the poem feels more "relationship-y" to me, if you get what I mean.

[Lenah Mehzabin]

Very well !..a unique lesson to describe how the world is badly obsessed with technology