Falling stars feel shame

Yesterday I was one god swamped by a pantheon. Our clay children pined for justice while imagining us wielding it behind the stars. Locked away behind the purple satin of the night I was captive to the gaze of those moulded crudely in my shape. They told their children stories about us, first of all thankful, then as generations rose and fell they became doubtful. As we failed to intervene we built up squat huts of recrimination with bricks of murder and accident. Endless death gave them hunger, and their knowledge of our creation helped them to realise, in their eager briefness, that the gods prized them as mere trembling moments of toil. Surer than any weapon, their disbelief weakened us.

 

Today I left that behind, for I cast myself out and let my godhood burn from me in a falling star’s trail. Now I look up seldom. Neither do I look over my shoulder, for I know what is coming: but at least I can now tell my children I love them.

Reviews

[Crow Splat]

I liked it. I felt that the language of it lent credibility. I felt like I was listening to someone speak who was actually, formerly a god.

You did a good job conveying the sense that the gods needed man but regarded them with disdain at the same time. A fairly common theme in tales revolving around the decline of monotheistic religions.

I am curious, in the last paragraph, in relinquishing his/her status as a god, does the narrator become mortal as well? I would think they do, and it is that combined with humanity no longer being a "necessary evil" that would bring them to say that they now love their children.

[Patrick Jinks]

A fine monologue. Very impressive imagery and metaphoric use.

[Davidc]

I liked the use of language, it gave you a sense of disappointment and disenchantment with a creation made with such high hopes. In the last paragraph it seems to suggest a need to prove existence, and how we live in a world were now seeing is believing and blind faith and hope seem to of become something of a myth

[PWyates]

Amazing use of language, truly felt like I was reading the words of a true god. I try and fail to achieve such grandiose constantly.

[BarryL]

I like this a lot. The language used is rich, descriptive and appropriate to the agelessness of the protagonist. the only part I wonder about is the sentence beginning "as we failed to intervene..." I'm not sure why, perhaps it's because the rest of the story reflects his/her shame rather than the collective pantheon or maybe it interrupts the rhythm that flows through the writing. Regardless, It didn't detract from my enjoyment of the piece.

[kitish]

This is a beautiful depiction of falling from grace, yet becoming something more than you were. Stepping down from the pedestal is the only way to connect with people meaningfully. I love the imagery and the tone throughout. Thank you for sharing.

[Darksource]

As Crow Splat has Already stated, the authoritative language makes it feel like a god is really talking about his creation of humans and adds a really interesting idea of what god would be thinking of us now, whether he is real or not.

[Joel]

I did a story like this but it was a silly story. I like the tone you strike though it's 'vagued up' to the point of being poetry. 'gods prized them as mere trembling moments of toil. Surer than any weapon, their disbelief weakened us.' Does the first sentiment (that the gods didn't care about people) contradict the second sentiment? (that people weakened the gods through disbelief? If you're showing one led to the other, I'm a dull reader and need a transitional thought.

Also: SWAMPED by a pantheon: was this intentionally getting me to think about very high and very low places?

[Saki]

Intriguing. I like the embracing of the inevitable mixed with the fondness of the last lines.

[Sir Drift & Mr. Pulse]

This is awesome. I'm a fan of astrology stories but this was pretty different. I loved that part "let my godhood burn from me in a taking star's trial." Like that phrase a lot! Would love your opinion on a story of mine.