'The sweet richness of a song bird, oh
how you cultivate my newness away
from pure darkness. '
A flow of emotions wrapped in near timeless language. For me, old English fits romantic offerings very well. Even with care, there are slips from rule but..that can be invigorating. There's passion drifting slowly towards the shore by way of those finishing lines.. ..
Slightly amended my review, think i wasn't thinking when i left it.. forgive. x
A beautiful poem shared dear Roxane. I loved the places and the thoughts shared. Sound of the birds. A morning blessing. Thank you for sharing the amazing poetry.
Coyote
'The sweet richness of a song bird, oh
how you cultivate my newness away
from pure darkness. '
A flow of emotions wrapped in near timeless language. For me, old English fits romantic offerings very well. Even with care, there are slips from rule but..that can be invigorating. There's passion drifting slowly towards the shore by way of those finishing lines.. ..
Slightly amended my review, think i wasn't thinking when i left it.. forgive. x
This offering offers a lot of rich imagery. Not only the birds and their songs appear, but also sunset and the moon's sign, adding to the poem's emotional color. They heighten the contrast between themselves and the speaker's inner feelings, which are described in darker hues. There seems to be some type of depression lurking, possibly due to the lack of a desired relationship. The blues are mentioned, and these words might indeed make a good blues song. Nicely done, however I would like to second the previous reviewer's opinion about the use of "thee." In early modern English, thee is used as an object, as opposed to thou, which is a subject. If you do decide to make this change, you will also need to drop the s from cultivates.
This is beautiful. I will admit outright that poetry is not my forte. However, the natural theme in the poem as well as the longing tone remind me of Emily Dickinson. Your prose is excellent, and I love the feeling you evoke from me.
Now, this may be where my ignorance of poetry comes into play, but the line, "how thee cultivates my newness away" is strange to me. Thee doesn't seem to be the proper pronoun, and cultivates doesn't agree with the subject.
If I'm missing something, could you please explain? I would really love to understand poetry better, and you obviously have an excellent grasp of the medium. Thank you so much. :)
Posted 6 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
6 Years Ago
Thanks for the wonderful review. Sorry I took long responding to your nice comment. I hate better l.. read moreThanks for the wonderful review. Sorry I took long responding to your nice comment. I hate better late than never, cause I'm basically an on time girl.
love poetry since it has been embedded in my mind deeply way back when I was 4 years old. A very good reader in pre-school. Nursery rhymes tuned me in even deeper. more..