The End?

A Stage Play by Chris

Satirical play with odd humor.

The End?

The scene takes place in the 18+ area of Dave and Busters. Waiters are streaming through the river and occasionally bumping into each other. It is a jovial scene in which the screams of adults mix with that of faraway children. At the back corner of behind an unclean table is a bearded man. He appears to be alone, but several courses of food wait at his table. He is of medium height, unkempt brown hair, a slender curling nose, and a slight grimace of disapproval crossing his face.

Man- Ah Davies, (speaking to no one) you've got my back when nobody else does. (Pause) Ah, I don't need people (slowly speaking louder), I've got me myself and I. I DON'T NEED ANYONE?

Lady - Ahem? (darting eyes towards man).

Man- Yea, What was it?

Lady- Oh, nothing. I thought you had something. (avoiding eye contact).

Man- Since you’re so concerned with talking to me, perhaps I let you in on a little secret.

Lady- I really, truly, honestly, rather you not.

Man- Too bad, you've opened the can of worms (with rhythm to his voice).

Lady- (Boldly amused) Please put the cans back in the bag.

Man- The worms are literally everywhere. I couldn't even put them all back.

Lady- (Loud deep sigh) Go on…

Man- Well as I was saying…

Waiter- Excuse me ma’am (glaring at the man), is their anything you need?

Lady- Not that I know of, I mean, I could use some more rolls.

Man- Sir, if you will I was in the middle of saying something.

Waiter- (ignoring man, leans in close to woman), I mean… is he… of any...um trouble?

Lady- (Tapping finger on table and then scratching head) Well he is an annoyance… but he was also about to tell me something, so no, he's not.

Man- (feigning boredom) Great. Can you please leave now, I have news to share.

Waiter- I’ll get your rolls now's (scuttling off quickly).

The lights begin to dim and younger more rowdy guests begin to leave. The delightful laughter of children in the background ceases. The only people that are left are over the age of thirty and seemingly mature to the point of overly serious.

Man- Im gonna just lay this news to you flat like my grandpa's heartline…

Lady- What? (surprised).

Man- Monkey Butt says what again (murmuring).

Lady- What? (louder this time).

Man- Aha (grinning wildly), but anyways (sterness returns), I have news to share.

Lady- Well get on with it, I have a child that's gonna have to go home soon. (ratling fingers of different objects).

Man- (quietly whispering) The world is about to end.

Lady- Really? (leaning in).

Man- Yes, I had a dream…

Lady- No, I mean really you've wasted my time just to tell me this.

Man- No, but, it, (stammering) … not a lie.

Lady- Male cow excretion is what I say.

Man- What? (Man says in a high voice).

Lady- Monkey butt.

Man- Thats not even how it works (visibly upset).

Lady- Well go on then, tell me (widening eyes).

Man- About?

Lady- (impatiently eyes rolling) The dream?

Man- Ah yes (tipping back in his chair), well last night I had this dream, and…

Lady- Don't do that, you're gonna hurt yourself.

Man- (Ignoring her) Anyways, in this dream everything at first was dark (lights turn off). But I knew it was day so I looked for the sun, I was so sad because it wasn't their. I tried with all my heart to find the sun and out of the blue it came. (Spotlight turns on man revealing he is now on top of a clothed table). And when I looked down at the ground, I was on a mountain. This mountain was made of sins. (people on knees gather around the table, with ragged clothes to demonstrate poverty, an obese man to show laziness, prison convict, and a little boy with a gunshot wound painted sickly pale).

Lady- What's happening (eyes appear teary and are darting across the room).

People- The world is broken, and so shall us all become.

Man- And through the fear I cried out repentance.

People- Your life is little compared to the big picture.

Man- How can I change? How can I be better?

(Lights begin to flash on and off).

People- You cannot change.

Man- (now in full conversation) Then I give up. (Begins to lay down on table).

People- Wait! You seems honest, you seem true. Go to Dave and Busters and your life will be spared. From the flaming skies and the rising tides.

Man- (teary eyed like a child after he threw a tantrum) Really?

People- Yes.

Man- Aw, sweet. (Pumps fist into air).

(Lights flicker off and on. Once they are on again the man is sitting at the table as if nothing had happened. Everything is back to normal. The woman stares at him open mouthed. He opens his mouth as if to mock her and playfully pretends to slap her face. He seemingly is in a better mood now).

Woman- What in the world's name was that!?

Man- Just a dream prophesying the end of the world as we know it (matter of factly), possibly just a representation of the external evils in the world that cannot be solved. Or perhaps it is consequently a signal that we need to change our ways or the world will change us (spoken extremely quickly).

Waiter- Ma’am your rolls.

Woman- (lost in another world) Thanks I think.

(Suddenly a boom resonates through the building from outside, followed by subsequent explosions of cars).

Man- S**t I was right, huh, who would guess.

Waiter- What?

Man- Monkey Butt.

Waiter- That's not even how it works.

Man- I know (starting to crawl under table as waiter does the same thing).

Woman- Where's my baby girl. KATY! COME HERE!

Katy- Here I am mummy. What was that noise.

Man- Just the world ending.

Katy- (Begins to cry).

Woman - (Punches mans arm) It's just an earthquake sweetie, it'll be alright.

Man- Ow (fake winces and exaggerates pain).

(Rain begins to pour and water leaks into the Dave and Busters. The only people left in the building are the Waiter, Katy, The Man, The Woman. They all huddle up for the night. Explosions go off continually as with more rain).

Man- Lets all just pretend we are penguins it will help.

Waiter- Really, penguins, now, we are about to die, and this is what you are thinking!

Katy- Yea penguins, oink oink oink oink.

Woman- (Begins to oink and huddle close with a faint hint of sadness).

Man- (proudly glares at waiter) I think this place is much more lively with penguins.

Waiter- (Shakes his head and sets it upon the Woman revealing his defined chin and blue eyes).

(The oinking feigns to a murmur until one by one each character begins resting their head against each other. Slowly they drift off to sleep… They wake up to the sound of a chirping birds and bright lighting, still resting on each other).

Waiter- How’d all the birds get in here!? (Looking around angrily at all the birds and then resting his eyes on the man).

Man- (With a twinkle in his eye) Nature's wonderful.

Woman- (Begins sobbing uncontrollably, shouting vindictive, but incohesive words).

Katy- Mommy what's wrong? (Cuddling up near her lap). It's okay.

Man- Guys, I have to be perfectly honest.

Woman- Yes, (Looking up hopefully).

Man- I didn't have a dream…

Waiter- What about a dream?

Man- You all are on… PUNK’D.

Woman- Wait, your telling me all this was a lie? The World didn't end? And we are going to be perfectly fine? (Furiously gleaming).

Man- Yes, yes, and yass.

Woman- (Lunges for the throat of the man)