Dirt Tracks

About when I accidentally messed up the floor that the janitor had just finished cleaning.

The janitor just washed the floor in the men’s room

and I

I tracked dirt in with

my dirty footprints

making a trail

right

up

to

the stall

that I used.

 

I’m always tracking in dirt

or whatever it is that

sticks to my shoes:

 

Dirt from the garden

Snow from the storm

Rain from the gutter

Poop from the street.

 

I feel bad

that the man

worked on the floor

for well over an hour

and in barely a minute

I tracked my trail in and

ruined the gleaming

white perfection

that resulted

from his

cleaning task.

 

But I doubt he minds.

He’s a janitor.

It’s his job.

Things get dirty,

become untidy,

and he earns his paycheck

he pays his bills

by soldiering on

and continuing to clean up

after the likes of

people like me.

 

I suspect this cycle will continue on

Until he quits, having become fed up with his job,

or until I quit, having become fed up with my job.

Reviews

[Ms. Gruye]

Hiya...I wanted to let you know this piece really shows your potential as a poet. I like how you chose to open the poem, those lines are memorable and immediately grab my interest. I also really liked how this ended in a different place then I expected it to, with a moment of self reflection for the narrator. This evolves and takes me with the narrator and through his (her??) observations I understand my world a little better. Well done there!

If I were to make a few suggestions, which you may choose to ignore or whatnot: the line "I tracked dirt in with my dirty footprints" caught me a bit for two reasons: the repetition of dirt here seemed a bit excessive, especially so close together, but more so I am sure sure if footprints can physically track in anything, as they are an inanimate thing left behind. Would something like "I tracked dirt in on with my thin soled loafers" make more sense. I like this option a little bit more because it gives a glimpse into who your narrator is by describing his footwear. Now, perhaps he isn't a loafer sort of chap. Maybe chucks or docs are more his style, but you get the sort of impact that would have on the reader getting to know the narrator a little more? Anyway,just somethings to ponder.

Thanks for posting and viva la

[Christopher Tait]

Thanks for the review!