Rhythms Dancer

It's simply me

My heart beats,

My breath runs short,

My lips part gently,

And the Beat controls my thoughts.

 

Rhythm pulses through me,

My body sways to the sound,

I crank up the volume,

To drown the world around.

 

Sweat beads my shoulder blades,

As I move to match the Pace,

I shut my eyes and loose myself,

In thoughts that wonder free.

 

The Tempo, so magical,

Is able to break the boundary.

I’ve broken free of the people around me,

Blinded by what they’re told.

 

They give me strange looks,

 as I Dance by,

They’re unable to grasp the reality,

That music has made for me.

 

Music is my muse,

The reason that I'm still going,

the reason I'm alive and well.

 

For music is my muse,

and I am Rhythm's Dancer.

Reviews

[Gabi Celaya]

Whoa...pretty colours : ) I'm not quite sure what they're saying, but I can sense that there's something in there, waiting to be found. I'll probably get back to you if I think I figure it out.
But anyway, as for constructive criticism:
I would suggest you change the word "magically" in the fourth stanza to just magical. It reads more fluently, I think, and the meaning is not so greatly change.
"They're unable to grasp my reality," You could change that to be "this reality" or "the reality", for example, as the next line already clarifies that it is yours. Saying that it is your reality in the same line that you chide the others for being unable to grasp it seems somewhat self-defeating. If it is truly yours, then how could they possibly hope to?
Lastly, not sure if its a mistake or a concious choice, but I get the sense that Rhythms needs an apostrophe, whether before the s or after, as it seems to be possessive.
Nice one, and keep at it : )

[Dillon Cotter]

great idea about bringing the colors in, very vibrant and gives a cool vibe. it feels as if the music is dancing for you and which i like this one tayler! good work/

-Will

[emmajoy]

I love the concept of this, that a person can be taken over by music - so much so she has to dance her way through the moment, maybe life itself.

Most of your phrasing is fine, and, your highlighted words really illustrate the colour of music, of dance .. but I'm not sure about the following: ' The Tempo, so magical, Is able to break the boundary. I've broken free of the people around me, Blinded by what they're told. '

Not sure what you think, it's YOUR poemT but maybe this flows a little a better, no repetives: 'The Tempo, so magical, Is able to break the boundary, As i've broken away from those around me, Those blinded by what they're told.'

'For music is my muse, and I am Rhythm's Dancer.' What a wonderful muse and, what a great name!

[Prodigo]

No suggestion, Gabi got it all I think. Brings about memories that are not my own..