I'll Survive

I'll Survive

A Poem by Taz

A broken wing is better than none,
Two broken hearts, together, make one,
an understanding passed between two,
You help me above the pain I'm put through,
I hope that your love and your comfort is true,
But for now we'll see and I will trust you,
Relaxation and moments of peace come alive
while in your arms and my fears all but hide,
and because of you,
for now,
I'll survive.

© 2017 Taz


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What a poem to come back from a hiatus with! You have a couple of typos ("together" and "relaxation") and Line 5 is a bit oddly worded to the point where I can't quite decipher what your intention is with it (frankly without "comes from you", the line would make sense, and the whole poem would flow much better). But on the whole, well done! That paced ending is killer!

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 3 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

emipoemi

3 Years Ago

"relaxATion"

"fears all but hide"? meaning they're present as well? or do you mean "g.. read more
Taz

3 Years Ago

There. now it is better.
emipoemi

3 Years Ago

If you addressed the second point, and the line means what you want it to mean, then yes, it's all b.. read more


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Reviews

"I hope that your love and your comfort is true"
"But for now we'll see and I will trust you"
"for now, I'll survive"

These are my favorite lines. There are too few things that could survive the trial of time. Unfortunately friendship is one of those. I like to be positive about it - at least this love is true (for now). Willing to trust is never easy, and you are brave to try trusting.

I guess "while in your arms and all my fears hide" flows better, anyways this is just a suggestion. The piece is a nice one and I like the ascending numbers at the beginning. The outcry in the last two lines is stunning. Thanks for sharing!

Posted 3 Years Ago


Nice journey in the words leading to hopeful ending. We need kind people for us to be okay. Thank you Taz for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

Posted 3 Years Ago


This is a beautiful msg! The opening line is impactful and thought-provoking as to how our brokenness is still a value. Then I love the way your poem takes a journey from this brokenness to finding wholeness within a loving relationship. Good rhyming (I always love good rhyming!) This is stated simply, but the meaning is deep (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

Posted 3 Years Ago


trust is hard to come by,and especially if we lose that trust. we look into others for the love that we need,we so desire,but trust is the driving factor

Posted 3 Years Ago


Taz

3 Years Ago

This is true.
In it's simplicity this is remarkably wonderful. Well DONE X

Posted 3 Years Ago


I love the ending! It would be easier to read if you used proper punctuation instead of all commas, and you might want to revisit the sixth line. I feel like using wording different than "we'll see" might help the flow and understanding of your poem. Perhaps using "we will wait" would be a better choice? Anyway, I love the meaning behind this poem. I especially appreciate how you use the element of surviving, though you're broken. Well done!

Posted 3 Years Ago


Two broken hearts together make one, I liked this phrase a lot. Loved the rhyme, I hope you find all happiness. God bless you.

Posted 3 Years Ago


Taz

3 Years Ago

Thank you, and you too.
Najam Us Saher

3 Years Ago

You're welcome.
What a poem to come back from a hiatus with! You have a couple of typos ("together" and "relaxation") and Line 5 is a bit oddly worded to the point where I can't quite decipher what your intention is with it (frankly without "comes from you", the line would make sense, and the whole poem would flow much better). But on the whole, well done! That paced ending is killer!

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 3 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

emipoemi

3 Years Ago

"relaxATion"

"fears all but hide"? meaning they're present as well? or do you mean "g.. read more
Taz

3 Years Ago

There. now it is better.
emipoemi

3 Years Ago

If you addressed the second point, and the line means what you want it to mean, then yes, it's all b.. read more

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8 Reviews
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Added on October 5, 2017
Last Updated on October 16, 2017

Author

Taz
Taz

Alberta, Canada



About
I like to write poems that spontaniously generate in my mind. I am 17 and I am a girl who is in high school so my poems will not be amazing but I do my best.I love my spanish and ASL,I also love basic.. more..

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