Demise on Countryside Road

Live accident of a man...

Vehicles n wagons did blaze with rocket speedeth,

Hovering about art'rial highways with airspe'd.

We clench'd the scents of farms ‘nd ranches ‘nd fields,

wh're children with mud frolick'd and 'recteth gentle shields…

 

Alas! A chill wenteth up my spine; wretch'd my hairs, my spikes,

Amidst the boulevards, did lay a vuln'rable corse beside a motorbike!

Speckled and scattered bitter cold r'd hot blood untwin'd,

I wast quiv'ring and quaking; mine own weedy watches whin'd.

 

A l'rry might have collided and did dash hence;

Oh! The bolt'd eyes and detached forks did condense.

On a shirt as white as a cerecloth,

Some bright blood fountain'd and didst froth.

 

Anon that gent cannot plough n'r thresh n'r reap his fields,

Nor enchant his child with figurines and sweet delicacies.

The silence of nature didst boweth bef're the l'rd ,

F’r death is inevitable; an agonizing dynamism of soul’s conc'rd.

Author's Note

Constructive criticism is much needed.

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

Hard, direct and strong use of words. I liked how you used the language. I enjoyed reading this poem.
"Anon that gent cannot plough n'r thresh n'r reap his fields,
Nor enchant his child with figurines and sweet delicacies.
The silence of nature didst boweth bef're the l'rd ,
F’r death is inevitable; an agonizing dynamism of soul’s conc'rd."
The above lines. I did like. Thank you Tazzen for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[mercy party]

A very unique write. I could feel the scenery and the dust from the second group of lines. Also...great title!

[Tazeen Ahmed]

Thank you! I'm glad you like it ^_^

[Ghania]

"The silence of nature didst boweth bef're the l'rd"
Everyone has bow before the Divine decree when it comes to death. THE INEVITABLE.
.
.
Great, and wonderful. The depiction was really AMAZING. And you've got really a unique style to it. :P

[Tazeen Ahmed]

Thank you for a lovely, insightful review! I really appreciate it :::)))

[Ghania]

You're welcom. =)

[Isabella Ivy]

Brilliant writing! Unique in style. You pull this off expertly. A dramatic and regretful occurrence that the reader can partake in without excessive drama. Bravo :) I.I.

[Tazeen Ahmed]

I tried to drag more emotions, but I felt t'was fine the way t'was.

your review really brings me a great smile. Thank you Isabella!

[Isabella Ivy]

You are most welcome :)

[Inda]

Very vivid and emotive. I did find at times the old language distracting, but only in the beginning poem doesn't suffer from it. Good job

[Tazeen Ahmed]

i too find it difficult, but it kinda gives it an "old" feel...
thank you so much!!

[Chase Dylan]

*Welcome to "Pure Rhymes" Thanks for joining, great to have you...!*

A blend of olden phrase with lots of "new" feels to it... A motorbike and rocket zoometh...? My dynamism concurs... Death is inevitable among silence...

[Tazeen Ahmed]

yes, that is the very theme. you're right!
congratulations for creating "pure rhymes"!
& thank you for reading.

[Chase Dylan]

Thank you, and you are most welcome

[Ted Kniffen]

I like this Tazeen. I think the combination of modern setting in an olde English dialect worked as well. Not a good thing to witness but your description is spot on.

[Tazeen Ahmed]

yes, it was horrible ! i felt strongly the need to pen it down...Thank you so much for reviewing! i really appreciate it!

[Najam Us Saher]

I am frightened at the sight of an accident, never thought it would make a good poem.
Second stanza second line it should be 'corpse'

[Tazeen Ahmed]

Thank you so much:)
Corse is old English for body.

[Najam Us Saher]

Okay, I didn't know that. 😁
You are welcome.

[Ghania]

Even i didn't know that.
Was going to mention Corpse but then I read this. Thanks for telling. I have never known that before. WOW :P

[Mohamed Rahim Iqbal]

Amazing writing. Words are awesome to read.
Stay blessed. Keep working hard

[Tazeen Ahmed]

Thank you for an encouraging review! I really appreciate it.