Slipping

God, I'm trying so hard to hang on
To this lifeline, to life itself
Theres so much self loathing
And disappointment, in this hell

My fingers slip from this ledge
And the downfall is inviting
What strength is left I ask
So drained from all this fighting

After 29 years of hate and misery
I thought I'd found someone that loves me
For who I am and nothing less
You pulled me ashore from sea

I believed in me, I believed in you
And wondered how this could happen
You filled in all the holes I had
The growth that I was lacking

I let myself go, and the new me took hold
To you my love, forever you swore
I became the man I never knew I could be
And you ripped him and shredded him, the soul you tore

All this did, was prove me right
I am not good enough for my wants
I see these "happy" couples everywhere
Their unintentional taunts

I'm ugly, I'm hairy, I'm not good in bed
I never say the right words it seems
My teeth aren't pearls, my stomach isn't toned
I'm a selfish a*****e, a jerk, a loser I'm deemed

I was never worthy, of your beauty
I told you you couldve been a model, from the start
I saw stars, when I looked at you
You are the most perfect piece of art

So here I am, square one again
There's no pieces for me to glue
The ground is slipping beneath my hand
I don't want to be here, without you

Reviews

[Marianne Rose]

I feel your anguish. Nothing is worse than love lost. You may be writing just to express and reach out to wherever she is, but I know you're speaking to so many others who have to walk the same lonely path. I can only hope that love will return to you someday, perhaps differently, maybe the same one you write to, because that miracle happens also. Don't slip away, your voice is needed. And you could only write from this level of your humanity having experienced what you did. Thank you for trusting your heart to those who read this.

[Teddybearlee]

Very true statement. There was a very long period of time...months after she left, where I felt so alone, that no one could possibly understand what I was going through...all of my friends really seemed to act like what I was experiencing was alien, the depths of my love, loyalty, faithfulness, my world crumbling, they didn't seem to get it. Almost a year has gone by, and I still break down constantly, the hardest part isn't even happened yet, and every day is a prayer it doesn't. I have written posts that are to let others know their not alone, as much as I myself am sending out feelers so I don't feel alone. Believing in fairy tale love can kill you. Thank you so much for your kind words and understanding, having read your profile, and a couple of your writings, I can definitely tell you are someone who has seen a bit of life, and has quite a bit of passion.

[Marianne Rose]

Those of us who seem too deep for the world to understand or even tolerate at times need to find each other. I am blessed to have a husband who understands, having more depth and passion than I do. And one or two dear friends who in their own intensity drive others away, or find themselves alone with the truth they speak. It's only been the last 10 years that I've begun to find my people- except my husband, who's been with me 34 years now. For a long while it was him and me against the world. But there are others like us- we just have to find them. You will find your people too,mind maybe love will emerge for you after the deep grief of this experience has waned.