Months Gone By

Reading a diary backwards, you have to read it all to understand some of the things at the beginning so don't worry if things don't make sense right away.

December-

 0 cd - too many vc - too many s

Everything is over, There's nothing left for me any more. I can't believe I once thought I could be happy. 



November- 

300cd - 124 vc- 52s

kill me

October- 

500 calories a day(cd)- 98vc - 35s

 I'm counting calories again, I cant even look at myself without crying , I'm ugly but I cant change that. I can change my weight. 

September- 

73vc - 24s 

Thankfully it's cold outside. Hiding my scars is easy, they are all over, it's hurts to move. I like the feeling . I'm disgusting I don't deserve to have happiness 



August- 

49vc - 14s

College is finished. I've never told this to anyone. In fact I never really let myself believe it but being around knives all day is really difficult, they are so sharp. Sometimes it's hard to not break down and cry. I'm getting really bad again. 


July- 

19 vc  - 8 s

I haven't drunk since that night. I cant let myself hurt anyone. You haven't talked to me in awhile. 


June-

 12 vc  - 4 suicidal thoughts (s)

You pretend nothing even happened, your'e pretending like we are still friends. We aren't, are we? 


May-

 8 visible cuts (vc)

I made a mistake. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. I got too drunk and I cut in front of you. No one had even believed I'd stopped. No one cares how long you stopped for. They'd rather just not see it. I don't want to see you cry again. Ever again.


April- 

Been drinking a lot. All people care about is getting drunk. The only way I can hang out with my friends is if I get drunk. People like me when I'm drunk.You like me when I'm drunk. I'm funny and more confident. Maybe I should always be drunk. 

March- 

I'm still socialising but not as much, you seems really busy. But I know your not. I'm boring. I'm stupid. 

February- 

I'm spending time with friends more, It's going okay. People seem to enjoy my company I haven't cut in 3 months , but you thought I stopped years ago so I cant let anyone know. But I'm proud and that's all that matters.

January-

My new years resolution is to be happy. This year is going to be different. I promise. 

Author's Note

So this is obviously a year, going backwards. But its wrote as someone living those months when they happened. I found this format quite hard to write in. But I thought I'd give it a go. :P