A Child's Dream

" When you cry"

Silently sleeping upon the bed,
A tiny child rests her head,
Yawning for a good nights sleep,
Good as gold with out a peep,
Enchanted dreams fill her head.


Everything is in their bed,
Laying there upon the sheets,
Infinite lands full of sweets,
Zebras gallop across the fields,
Around the world people yield,
Bags full of candy, bunnies, and bears,
Eggs are full of yummy pears,
This is what a child's dream,
Holds deeply upon its beams.
"I'll be there"

Author's Note

A tribute to my daughter.
~Res

Reviews

[Mr Dunne Poetry]

Aw, this is so beautifully penned. Such a lovely tribute to your daughter. I was censored by crown court for five years for fighting back against racism towards my daughter. I have many dedication pieces on here, that I think you may well enjoy. Thanks for sharing Resnera. Keep up the great work.

[Frieda P]

Lovely acrostic in your daughters name, she must have loved this token in her honor.

[James Hanna-Magill]

Dear Resnera

I though it time to pay you a visit and choose this of your poems to review.

Thank you by the way for your kindness when I was ill.

You also know I hold you in high regard in relation to the values you hold dear.

You leave two clear clues as to the poem's meaning, the title 'A child's Dream' and author's note 'A tribute to my daughter.'

I will come back to meaning and personal reaction in a minute, but let me look at form first.

Structure: If you include the opening and closing lines, your have one stanza of nine lines and a second of six. It is immediately apparent why you do this as the poem is acrostic. Reading down the first letter of each line you end up with 'Sayge' 'Elizabeth'

Clearly your daughter is called Elizabeth, or you lend her that name here. I am a little unclear about the 'sayge. Perhaps you might explain just out of interest sake for me?

What I do love here is your first and last lines where you wrap the piece in a beautiful box tied up with a pink ribbon:

First: " When you cry"
Last: "I'll be there"

Rhyme: Perfect - Rhyming couplets throughout as in aabb etc

Rhythm: A constant beat, albeit sporadic, helped by the rhymes and the relative length and brevity of each line.

Favourite lines:

'Yawning for a good nights sleep,
Good as gold with out a peep,'

I can picture this image vividly and with it the love for the child within the mother.

'Zebras gallop across the fields,
Around the world people yield,
Bags full of candy, bunnies, and bears,
Eggs are full of yummy pears,'

I love the gentle notion of what Elizabeth may be thinking as she dreams, the stuff of childhood aspiration and desire in all its simplicity. Again the rhymes enhance the impact.

Meaning and impact: There are many poems on here or in any anthology of poetry which do not give clues as to what they are about. But you give us slims ones here.

There are many poems, where there are just the title and the words on the page, the allusions are so opaque, the reader is left to imagine meaning. Even in those cases if some other notion of meaning is given, they still remain difficult to dissect.

Others like yours have a simplicity with or without the author's note where the meaning is simple.

Neither is more meretricious than the other.

Overview: I found the love behind the piece so endearing and the vision of childhood alluring. The structural acrostic, rhymes and opening and closing lines add much in terms of richness of style.

Well written. Bravo

I hope this helps.

With my best wishes as ever

James

[James Hanna-Magill]

PS I wonder if you could pick up the review of my novel 'Split' on here. Like the moral positions you take in this, this novel is a moral cause for me.

It seeks to be a voice for the mentally ill, of whom I am one.

It seeks to comfort those who are mentally ill and their loved ones so that they know they are not alone in their struggles.

It also seeks to educate those who next to nothing about mental illness, so that they better understand and accept the mentally stricken, not reject and thereby attempt to lift the stigma.

I already have a route to market with an agent who has praised it much but asked me to tidy up before touting it round publishing houses.

Your sage commentary chapter by chapter I would honour greatly. I appreciate reviewing a novel can be time consuming. But you can take as much time as you wish to review it at your convenience.

Should you feel unable to do so, I will understand.

There is no obligation between friends. No score-card

Best wishes as ever

James

[Terohime]

Thanks for the lovely review James ^^

As for the name my daughters name is Sayge her middle name is Elizabeth. XD

Not many people see that as a first name, but it is alright.

As for your novel i will defiantly read it.

~Your friend Res

[James Hanna-Magill]

Thanks Res, James

[Thomas Fitzgerald]

A perfect tribute, well done.

[Jupiter]

I have personally not written in this type of style though I do see more and more people doing it. While it usually seems to be random words or no real flow involved, you have added that to yours and I love it. Nice piece.

Jupiter

[SHEEMA HUQ]

awe, the final line is just so touching, well done

[Just Kim]

Like the arcostic style, This is amazing.

[Terohime]

Thanks
~Res

[Pink Witch]

Aww... I think you are a wonderful mom. One who understands their child's dreams is always a great mom:) And its a very sweet write:)

[icelandicblue]

This is simply beautiful. What a heartfelt and sweet tribute. I hope that you frame this and hang it in her room. The reader can feel the love that went into this poem.

[unsavable_soul]

I like it,
It's very sweet, and soft with a mothers love. True words from a true heart.

"This is what a child's dream,"
child dreams?

Just curious and hoping it helps is all.
Sincerely
Christopher

[Terohime]

Thanks for the review, and it is suppose to be Child's dream. This is what a Child's Dream, Holds Deeply Upon its beams. if i did this is what a Child Dreams, hold deeply upon its beams. Read both out loud to you self, the first one talks about a dream that a child is having, the second one is taking about a child dreaming. Holds deeply upon its beams, Is suppose to simulate a dream world, so it would make more since to use Child's dream. Hope it helped.

[Terohime]

~Res

[unsavable_soul]

Oh,
got you, I see it now. I was reading them as independent lines rather than the flow of the two. Duh, I have my moments we have all come to know my mental lethargy. So sorry. It is excellent.
Chris

[Terohime]

Lol it is ok, i spent a minute going over that part XD