The faces in the mirror; before it all is clearer.

This is a poem I wrote for a contest on allpoetry.com (same username as on here) It's basically about loving yourself and I explore some of my eating disorder and my struggle with loving myself.

Like the leaves that change in the autumn air,
I am forever changing, so I need to change to compare.
None of what I'm doing is fair, as you pull my hair,
direct me into a lover's snare, my green eyes stare with the longing of somewhere.

Chasing me up, chasing me down, I smile when you frown,
you take my breath away, feeling like I could drown,
every moment of your breath, beneath me yet giving me a crown,
you are the best parts of who I am, yet you keep looking down.

Own it, your choices and actions, mistakes are but fractions,
of the bigger reality, actions of affection and transactions of your love for me.
You have sold me before, and your will to give I adore,
but we need to join in our trust, or else our love for us will rust.

Change with me to become stronger, the road before us longer,
stretching further than what can be seen, and there are evils in between.
The faces that you see in the mirror, a changeling lives and comes nearer,
rubbing my eyes to see clearer, what I've been seeing isn't me, what else could I be?

As you push I pull, life has always been full, full of love and despair,
like a black cat chasing a hare, they do it by nature and so do we,
longing for us both to be free, and for me to be me,
your breathing as I run my hands down you until you can't see.

Unity and seductive eyes, longing for love and longing for life,
finally seeing through the lies, our eyes have been deceiving us,
we are beautiful and we can lust, for in each other we now trust,
building a crust against the poison of a disease as we readjust.

Bound together we feel as we move, our eyes and our body's finally approve,
we see reality before us no lies, you've come this far and earned your prize,
as I let you climax my smile won't fade, I see me before me so stubborn and brave,
ecstasy flowing and growing to be, the one power that set us both free.

Author's Note

I would love some constructive criticism

Reviews

[Hossain Belal]

This poem has a very raw and personal quality, which makes it both powerful and relatable. The imagery of change, especially the metaphor of leaves in autumn, captures the feeling of transformation and struggle. The poem does a good job exploring self-love, internal conflict, and the journey towards accepting oneself.

The lines about looking in the mirror and questioning one's identity ("The faces that you see in the mirror, a changeling lives and comes nearer") are particularly poignant, as they convey the confusion and complexity that many face when dealing with self-esteem or eating disorders.

One thing that could be explored further is the balance between the emotional highs and lows in the poem. At times, it feels like the imagery and emotions are intense and complex, but there are moments where the tone shifts rapidly, which can feel a bit abrupt. Perhaps tightening the transitions between these moments would help create a smoother flow.

Overall, this is a heartfelt and brave piece that tackles a very important issue. Keep writing and exploring these deep emotions—it's clear that you're on a journey of self-discovery and healing through your words.

[That Weird Kid]

Thank you so much!

[Julie McCarthy (juliesp..]

A very good piece indeed
Thanks for entering the romantic poem competition