The Taste

written for the "First Line" contest April 20, 2012 - Feb 28 2013.

The Taste

by:

Ignacious Lamont Crowley

 

 

            My first taste of human flesh was accidental, but it caused a stirring inside me.  I knew I needed more.  I still wonder , every so often, if that shaman knew what was going to happen to me.  If maybe he did know magic.  Sometimes I wonder if he could have stopped it.  Then I wonder if I care?

 

 

*   *   *   *   *

 

 

            I search for my prey.  I can almost taste the sweet flavor.  My mouth waters at the thought.  I approach the hamlet knowing I shall have my choice of the delicacies available - young, old, fast, slow, fat, thin, they were all there for my whim.  

            I silently creep along between two huts.  I sniff the air.  A storm is coming.  I hear too many voices here.  I do not feel like having an audience tonight.  I move to the next set of huts.  I hear a growl at the next domicile.  I do not care to feed on a canine, perhaps tomorrow, but, today  I am here for a more tasty delicacy.  I quickly scramble to the next dwelling.  I do not need it to alert the others.  I hear nothing other than steady breathing.   The breath of the sleeping. 

            A quick jump and I come through the window landing as silently as I move.  I edge forward and inhale the sweet scent.  I look at it.  Too old and thin.  Not enough food there.  I move to the other in the room.  Better, not to old or to young.  The meat should be tender and lean.  One quick swipe and it will be mine.  I have to be quick and accurate, for I cannot allow any noise to attract others.  Until I am ready of course. 

            The bloodlust is overwhelming.  I cannot resist any more.  I simply bite down on it's throat.  It tries to scream but cannot.  It flails around trying to escape, but to no avail.  Moments later it stops thrashing about. 

            I feel the juices flow into my mouth and the ecstasy begins.  I devour all I can fit into my stomach.  I begin to feel tired.  I grab what is left of my meal and vault through the window again.  I disappear to my lair to sleep off my full belly and I even have a snack for later. 

            I smell them coming.  Even through the torpor of sleep I know they are here.  And why they are here.  I can hear the clacking of firearms.  They have decided I must go.  I shall not fall without a fight.  Perhaps I can get one more taste of the exquisite before I die.  I know there are too many for me to survive. 

            I prepare myself.  I hunch down ready to spring.  I let out a roar and pounce on the first I see.  It goes down easily under my weight.  I swipe at two others before I feel the first impact.    It will take more than that to stop me.  I leap onto the next and sink my teeth into his chest.  There it is.  The rush.

            I go into a frenzy swiping and biting as I feel impact after impact.  I start to slow down.  Start feeling sleepy, sluggish.  It starts to go dark....

 

 

*   *   *   *   *

 

 

            The hunter stepped forward to make sure the beast was dead.  It killed many in the hamlet and even more in other villages.  They will pay well for the corpse.  And it will make a beautiful trophy. 

*   *   *   *   *

 

 

            The fire had almost gone out by the time the shaman opened his eyes.  He shuddered a moment, coming back to his body always made him feel like a stranger in his own skin.  For a moment he caught himself licking his arm, he could still feel the blood on it.  

             

Author's Note

I am not sure if this is a short story or a few paragraphs...lol

Reviews

[Douglas White]

This story was good, and very disturbing. Should have been longer and more disturbing. (Just a subtle hint to maybe expand this a little more - it's certainly good enough to be worth it.)

I like how it was written in first person, inside the character's head. It isn't often that a writer can pull that off sensibly.

The only issue I had was the end. The main character dies - and it doesn't make sense that he/she does. Somehow the tale was written down, and that should be taken into account.

I'd suggest having the character finish writing a last entry, and then switch point of view to external. Wouldn't change the action, but it would make much more sense from a reader's perspective. Other than that - excellent work.

[Ignacious Lamont Crowley]

I just had a chance to add to the end. Check it out if you can.

[Rev. Fr, S. D. Blankens..]

Hm. The plot is excellent. We all love a good Macabre of a monster.

Might you ever revise this story, please let me know. I wouldn't mind helping you out with some editing--if interested.
There's many mistakes here and there.
You are by far a Master of the macabre.
Thank you for submitting to my Contest!
~S. D. Blankenship

[Hannah]

This was really good! A very good hook at the beginning, although quite disturbing.
It definitely works as a short story in my opinion.

[C. Rose]

This is how I understand the story. A shaman cursed or foretold that the main character would become a werewolf. The main character kills, is tracked, is poisoned and dies. Then we get the hunter's perspective. Then we get the Shaman's perspective as though he had just been seeing through the eyes of the protagonist werewolf. Right? The transitions could have been clearer. Even small vagueness like realizing the pronoun in "I do not want it to alert the others" refers to the dog even though that is not the closest noun.

A good read. I'm happy to see you went back to the original lore of cannibalism being the trigger of the werewolf curse, assuming I'm right about the protagonist being a werewolf.

Congratulations. You have bested me in "Short Short Stories, None longer than about 400 words". How cool would it be if it became common courtesy to review those who placed higher than you in a contest? If you have time, check out Escape! and Something New.

[Briana O'Connor]

This was a very...interesting story. A little gory for my taste, but that says nothing about the excellent writing. I found no errors in your grammar, spelling or anything else. The one critique I can give is that the story could have more depth. Who is the main character? What is it that made him this way? Who is his prey? Where is his hunting ground? Who are the hunters? Overall this was a great start to what could either be a short story or even a book! Thank you for sharing and keep up the great work!

[Craig2591]

Very dark! I like the mention of the shaman at the beginning. It leaves you wondering what happened. I found this in the short stories contest that I entered, too.

[kendric martin]

THis was very gripping. I really like the perspective change at the end and the state of mind this person is in. I would love to read some more stories from before his demise.

[Sam]

Very good, I like how you described everything and how the beast saw the people.

[Darkdragon]

i like it! maybe if you kept adding on to it, it could make a good story. i would totally read the book over and over again. :D

[K A]

short and sweet. I think you have a flair for writing especially the description part. I could actually visualize the story while reading.