Racing

Molly,
I don't know where you're going to end up based on two chapters...but I can tell you this....you definitely have a knack for story telling...You mad it interesting, descriptive, and for the time being anyway, a tale I might like to follow. There are many things (grammar, syntax, and structure) that need work....but that shouldn't stop you at all. Your colorful imagery lets me know exactly who the characters are and makes me care about them.
Continue to write and edit as you go along.
Look at other writes to see how they handle dialogue and .....I almost hate to say this....but rewrite sentences that end in prepositions. Ex teacher talking now.
All in all a superb start, Molly
allen

Posted 12 Years Ago

Wow. This is great, I love how detailed it is.. Can`t wait for more of it
-Eleanor

Posted 12 Years Ago

i love how detailed it is. i could picture it as if i'd been there myself(which would be wierd as i'm not a girl lol) and it really pulls you in, making you want to read on.

love it :)

Posted 12 Years Ago

As did "Soul less" i think you are off to a good start. I normally am not into reading the stories from people on this site because sometimes they are not very.... good? but this one is quite a nice beginning to something that could be great. Good write

Posted 12 Years Ago

love it!! cant wait till u finish it

Posted 12 Years Ago

molly,
this is amazing! you are seriously talented! you need to write more!!! so beautiful!
you write from the heart and are just an excellent writer! keep up the great work!

Posted 12 Years Ago

Gifted you are with the English word. 16 and already an amazing writer. Must read again:)

Posted 12 Years Ago

Wow I can't wait to read the rest of the story when you finish. Your off to a great start.

Posted 12 Years Ago

I think you're off to a good start, in terms of character and plot. For me, there is too little detail: she goes from rags to riches in one page. Too fast. You could slow down and add more emotional depth and description. I liked the part about her memory. Striking. And...as for the rest of the story you put in the Author's Note, I'm sure you're not serious...:)

Posted 12 Years Ago

I like the story, but it seems to move really really fast. Slow it down a little! Oo and by the way I love how Jennifer Lawrance (aka Katniss) is your book cover. Great write, but slow it down alot!

Writing keeps the dream alive
~V~

Posted 12 Years Ago