Awakening

She walked towards him, as to embrace him for the last time. She kissed him on the cheek whispering "Goodbye". Her tears could overflow rivers; her sorrow could destroy all, so she chose to suffer in silence, showing not a trace of emotion on her pale face. He was gone. He was dead. There on his hospital bed where he spend the last of his days. She said nothing more; it was as if her life had died.

 

Two months had passed from his death and she, still lonely, knowing that in this life could not feel whole again, could not stop thinking of him. Everything was meaningless, empty, superficial. But she did not allow herself to fall into despair; it was his last wish after all.

 

She knew that they would meet again. To her, death was not the end, she reminded herself that she believed in the immortality of souls and she so she should know that there he was, somewhere, watching over her. Suddenly she felt loved and protected, as she did when he were alive. A mixture of emotions took over, those emotions that are not to be explained, those that can only be felt in times like this.

 

Countless times she had thought of joining her beloved one, she was not afraid, she had nothing to lose, nothing to live for. She faced death, everyday, of the last two months. She liked flirting with the idea, it could all end so easily and painless. No need to fight with yourself, no need to go through grief. But no, she couldn't, he asked her not to, he begged with all the strength he had left in his last moments and she respected that.

 

Many times she sat, pondering how she put all her hopes, dreams, love, all in one person. Her whole existence was circling around him like the earth to the sun. Now her reality was shuttered, giving space for a new one yet to be formed. Her whole perception changed as she defeated the bitterness and the envy for a world that lived happily around her, unaware of the ordeal she was going through.

Everyday new opportunities were unfolding before her eyes, possibilities she never thought before even in the simplest things. And day by day she discovered life all over again. She was liberated at last, in a way she had never experienced before, her wounds started to heal for the first time. It was as if she found herself from the ashes she was reduced to, of a past that she wanted to forget and keep at heart at the same time.

Gradually she began to understand that everything happens for a reason and to her, this was the price for never appreciating what she initially had, but at the same time it was more than that. It was her ultimate freedom, because only when you have lost all you can truly see the world as it is, because you have nothing to live for, nothing to hope for realising that it's nothing but desires that lead us all into suffering. That is when you can make a difference she thought...

Only then she realised the perfect love that was surrounding her, only then she could truly appreciate it. The veil was removed from her eyes. She embraced the contradictions in her psyche, allowing herself to flow beyond the lines of what people call reason. An unexplored self was awakened. The thought of him now gave her power instead of pain. She was fighting for him, for what she gave to her, this was his last gift and she received it with gratitude. She was at ease, allowing herself to rejoice, for the first time ever since.

Reviews

[Cassiopia Summers]

This was really good, and very true indeed. This can happen to the strongest of us, wonderful, heart-touching chapter.

[The Cute 1]

i love how the thought of him gave her power instead of pain i love that this is really good

[J. R.]

This was a very moving read, thank you.