"Suicide Risk" My Story

"Suicide Risk" My Story

A Story by SmileBig :)

I thought I would share my story

It was terrifying.

Pill after pill.

I was drowning in orange chemicals.

They over took me.

I stopped counting, I just kept popping them in my mouth like a crazy person.

My friend came knocking on the door.

The one that tried to kill herself three weeks ago.

She told my mom what happened.

I ran.

My heart was beating so fast that it hurt.

I had to stop running.

I couldn't breathe.

They chased me, caught up with me, basically dragged me in the car.

The memory after that is confused.


Siren after siren.

Nasty liquid going into my stomach.

Lots and lots of blood.

Needles, IV's, medical stickers, and lots of tears.

Mention of suicide attempt.

Trying to kill herself.

Trying to harm herself.

Cutting herself.

It's all I heard;

I didn't want to hear it.

We got to the hospital.

They rolled me on a f*****g stretcher!

Everyone stared at me.

Everything was becoming blurry; I didn't know what was reality and what wasn't.

Was it all a figment of my crazy, messed up imagination?

Was this all a dream?

We waited hours, finally got a room.

I sat on a hospital bed.

Nurse said to take off all my clothes, hair tyes, jewelry.

Everything and anything.

I was allowed one pillow. One blanket. No sheets.

I was a "suicide risk"

That's what everyone kept saying.

Lady came in a while later.

She asked why I decided to try to kill myself.

I explained, said it was a mistake. Said I never had suicidal thoughts.

I didn't tell her about the other two attempts.

She asked if I had history of being depressed.

I said a couple months.

They let me go, they trusted me.

Nothing is different now.

I'll get a therapist. Doubt it will help.

The only thing I learned?

Make sure next time I try to kill myself, that I actually succeed.

© 2013 SmileBig :)

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no. don't let there be next time, hun. I don't know why they trusted that line but you need to get out of the mindset that nothing and no one will be able to help you. I know it's hard to get out of the rut, but you do. just stop making expectations. stop planning or setting yourself up for failure. wake up in the morning and say that you're going to get dressed, then get dressed. don't add on that you don't want to get dressed or that there's no point to it or anything like that. just say you're getting dressed. you need to block out the negativity, even without the positivity. there is no good or bad, right or wrong. there is only you. stop thinking so much and do whatever you used to do, or what your friends do, or what your boyfriend does, or whoever in your life is happy and can make you happier (well, less depressed maybe) just by being nearby. surround yourself with what you want to become. but don't ever let there be a next time, hun. Don't ever succeed.

Posted 11 Years Ago

A strong and organized write.

Real or fiction - makes no difference unless it was a way of reaching beyond yourself to be heard.

Posted 11 Years Ago

sounds painful I've broken a lot of bones growing up and every time it work hard to get it back to the strength of what it was before. there's a song that i quite like see what you think cuz this is what could be happening to everyone else or it would be if i was one of your friends

ps minus the babe bit just listen to words

Posted 11 Years Ago

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3 Reviews
Added on March 12, 2013
Last Updated on March 12, 2013


SmileBig :)
SmileBig :)

Hi! How are you all doing? Writing, teaching, and math are my passions, if you're curious. I have so much love for math. It makes me feel alive. more..