The Art of Holding on While Letting Go

The Art of Holding on While Letting Go

A Story by Nessa Maria
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This is a short personal statement from what I learned in a past relationship

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The feeling of butterflies and a glow of uplifting love inside us. I’ll never forget the day when I saw him for the first time, that stranger I never met but felt like i’ve known my whole life. Being an introverted girl, I was scared to come out of my shell at first and express to this person how much happiness he brought me. He cared for me like a mama bear does for her cubs or like a butterfly that lands ever so softly on a flower petal. I never opened up to a person the way I did with him. I never believed in love at first sight or true love and partnership. Until I looked into his honey brown eyes. I never cried as hard as the day I realized this wouldn’t last forever. 

We were young and dumb with petty tendencies. I accepted that but I selfishly hung on to him because I did not want to see him in love with someone else. He was growing apart from me, while I was growing tired of the relationship entirely. I was used to letting go, but I didn't want to be alone. Instead, I held fast to this relationship. I let him be the center of my life and consume all the engry I had. I finally gave up and told him I needed space. He perceived this as a selfish act and told me he hated me for doing this. These words burned me from the inside out; he didn’t recognize I was doing this for him too. We were in a toxic relationship. That moment taught us both that it is possible to love someone so much that you have to give them time and space to let them breathe. He didn’t understand this, but I hope that one day he will. I still did not want to see the person who once made me the happiest person give that feeling to someone else. I was just trying to give him space so he could grow into the person that I knew he could be. I promised myself that when I was ready I would go back to him. 

I truly believed we were meant to be together. He moved on and deep down I wanted him to come back to me and say he found nothing but heartbreak. I couldn’t live with the fact that he might have been happy without me. I had to learn that I was jealous and realize if I loved him I would be happy for him. When I finally started to be happy for him, I lost him for good and so did everyone else in his life. I now have nothing but the bittersweet memories encapsulated in my mind. 

Every now and then I reminisce about the happy times, but I never let myself forget the lessons I learned along the way. I leaned how to live and grow, even when I felt that I couldn’t breathe and that my whole world was collapsing.I learned that I will always remember his smile but I must live without it. I learned that I can’t just pick up the phone and hear his voice. I learned to not tear up when I realized we will never speak again, but smile because I got the opportunity to be in his life. I learned to live in the moment because you never know when you will last see their smile or feel them hold you in their warm embrace. I learned about meeting the right person at the wrong time.

This experience made me the person I am today. I am strong and I am mature enough to grow from this experience. I am grateful for all the time and lessons that took place throughout this relationship. Most importantly, I have come to understand the importance of balance in relationships with others. I only wish I had the chance to say to him” you were good to me and I thank you for that; rest easy my angel.”

© 2019 Nessa Maria


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Added on September 13, 2019
Last Updated on September 13, 2019

Author

Nessa Maria
Nessa Maria

CA



About
I am a young female who is new to poetry. I would like to put my work out there and get feedback. more..