The Body Counters

This is the Mission-Statment for the Black Circlemen, from a novel I will publish, who are under cover as an alternative-rock band.

It is a wrong?

Is it a right?

Do we know how many have died tonight?

 

This is a war,

That never ends.

Constantly to Hell, our men, it will send.

 

All us around,

All us here,

They are now all starting to disappear.

 

But we now know,

To where they go!

We know all their numbers.

We are the Body Counters!

 

Please understand,

Only you knew,

If only you could see the work we do.

 

I can hear them,

At night in bed,

The world so full of your wandering dead.

 

You think they’re gone,

The ones you loved,

But none have ascended to the above.

 

We never forget a face,

When we send them to that special place!

We know all their numbers,

We are the Body Counters!

 

Death is so Cold,

But we are Not,

Our mission takes all the strength we’ve got.

 

Find Heaven’s Gates,

We wish we could.

And yet we still see things we never should.

 

The gold bell tolls,

Turns night to day,

Where's Cloud Nine, take this one away?

 

A promise from me,

Never let souls roam free!

We keep them from Lucifer,

I am a Body Counter!

 

We are forever committed,

Our hearts have never been pitted!

We know all of their numbers,

We are the Body Counters!

Reviews

[emipoemi]

I'm getting a "Hollow Men" vibe from this. It's so well crafted and thought-out, and grand in its musicality as vivid in its imagery and narrative. The second last stanza could be omitted, as it doesn't add so much to the power of the poem, given the "body counters" have been speaking as one, and suddenly we have a solo from someone we as readers don't really care too much about. The "repetition" of the "chorus" is cool, and I would advise to keep it, but have both of them formatted to "we are" and not "I am"....for the body counters speaking as one is more powerful. Also, just quickly, in the last stanza Line 2, you have better musicality if you take out the "have been". That's all. This is otherwise fantastic! Well done!

[E. M. DuBois]

It’s been six years... SIX YEARS... since I published this poem. It’s one of the view I’ve ever thought of publishing. I had no idea anyone was even still seeing it in search results, honestly. Thank you for your review, and I’ll be looking it over to see consider your feedback. I have to look up what “Hallow Men” is, because that reference went right over my head.

[emipoemi]

It was a great pleasure to read. Thank you for sharing, and yeah, "The Hollow Men" is a T.S. Eliot poem, and the theme of your poem is very much evocative of the theme of his.