Proper Planning

Not sure if this is a story or poem - u decide!!

This is good 

this is you moving forward 

Hop 4 spots 

Take my get out of jail free card 

You’ll need it

 

This is good 

You’re coasting along 

You always wanted to drive down the pacific

I said car rides made me sick

And I left you to yourself

This is good 

You want more than I can give

I had my hands full before we met

All your needs were too heavy to hold

This is good

You love her 

And I love you 

Did you ever love me? 

Because I couldn’t 

This is good 

A ring on her finger 

Waiting for a ring from you 

Just want to hear you’re doing well 

That she may be well too 

This is good 

I saw the photos on Facebook 

Clicked until my finger numbed 

Perry winkle lacing 

Tasteless 

Didn’t give yourself enough time to cleanse your pallet 

This is good 

She’s expecting 

Like I’ve been expecting a message 

Those three dots 

They come and they go like seasons 

I guess I’m in my winter 

This is good 

Your baby born

I wore my white pearls for the occasion

At 3:53 AM 

Let me see what her Mercury sign is 

This is good 

Baby’s first birthday 

Dressed her in yellow 

Gender neutral 

You spent days painting our nursery pink 

This is good 

Another child on the way 

Her belly sticks out a little more this time 

Plump and quite pudgy 

I’m doing Pilates four times a week

This is good 

A detailed Facebook post 

Viewed on a false account 

Lilith  

Our baby’s name 

She said she lost the baby 

Devastated

Now this is good 

I felt sad for you 

In the morning hours I cried on my deck 

Not for your wife 

Or the child you won’t be feeding 

But for us 

And the child that laid still in my arms 

Blue 

So small 

Never seen anything so small 

But I feel small now 

This is still good 

A chance for me to apologize 

To sing my sorrows in your vulnerable ears 

Remind you of the woman you used to love 

Who held your heart within my belly 

This is good 

The three dots appear 

I bite my fingers until I draw blood

Save it in a jar 

Type type type 

This is good

You always struggled to find the words to say 

Remember when I wrote your thank you cards for your birthday 

You know I’ll understand 

I’ll be a safe place to crawl back to 

This is good 

Looking for a send 

Waiting for a ping 

And the vibration of your words against my skin 

This is good 

Your wife sits in her stretched yoga pants 

She’s getting older

The weight will be harder to lose 

Replying to her comments

Love and appreciation 

This is good

She needs to keep people in her bubble 

You always wanted to pop ours 

Every little secret we held rested easy on our tongues 

I didn’t tell anyone I was expecting 

No one to cry to when expectation turned melancholic 

Just me in your arms 

This is good 

She won’t seek your touch 

She doesn’t need your sweet hums 

She needs attention 

So she searches her search bar and clacks the key board 

This is good 

I know that the clicking of words you’ll only hear when they appear on your screen 

Will send you into a furry 

Your anger will cause overreaction 

That’s when I liked you best 

Dangerous games 

We never let anyone play with us 

This is good 

Those three dots 

Will turn to words and those words will turn to touch 

Soon we’ll be as close as two people can be 

I’ll keep you warm 

She probably opens the windows even when the night is chilled 

So very good 

You reply 

As I knew you would 

Coffee 

I stopped drinking caffeine but I don’t tell you that 

You’ll be reminded of who I was and what I am now

That what I drink won’t matter 

Tunnel vision 

This is so good 

The tea I clutch in my rash hands 

Waiting for you to arrive 

Small coffee. Black.

Waiting for you 

Waiting for us 

This is good 

She walks through the door 

Yoga pants cling to her hips 

I see all the dips and crevices on her thighs 

All the places you’ve put your touch 

This is bad

She’s angry 

As red as the nail polish on her fingers 

Tasteless

Please cleanse your palate, love 

Oh so bad 

Small coffee. Black. 

Soaked through the sheer of my blouse 

It smells like you 

Strong. Dominant. 

Bad 

She tells me you’re not coming 

That you never saw my message 

She shakes my fall into winter 

I sit cold 

Steaming from your drink 

This is bad 

She screams for me to leave her husband alone

All eyes on me 

No secrets left to keep 

She couldn’t keep them on her tongue 

Used to an audience now 

She looks to please 

This is bad 

She screams at me for cruelty 

I’m not cruel 

You know that 

Opportunistic but not cruel 

I get up slowly 

I can please the crowd as well 

Out preform her 

This is getting better 

For my last act

Before the velvet red curtains swung shut on our past love 

I look her deep into the brown of her eyes 

Such an awful colour 

So sad that’s what you must gaze into now 

And I tell her I’m sorry 

About the baby 

This is good 

Tell her I understand 

We’ve been there 

Me and you 

I tell her how you’ll grieve

What you will need 

What you won’t want 

I make her feel inadequate

As a lover 

As a mother 

This is really good 

Make her feel like she’s doesn’t know you at all 

Because she doesn’t 

I walk into the cool of the day 

Curtains hanging behind me 

I walk to my car

Classic mustang 

You loved it 

This is great 

Her pudgy face watching me step into myself 

Sees she can not have my sorrows 

Sympathy 

Fear 

This is great 

She can’t have you 

She can’t have your child 

The doll twisted with brown buttoned eyes 

Sleeps next to me 

Straw hair

Just like your wife 

Near perfect resemblance 

I pull the pins from her stuffed belly 

And toss her in the backseat 

This is better than I could imagine 

The doll that looks like you rests beside Lilith’s 

Safe with me 

Let’s go for a car ride 

No longer feeling sick 

Free 

Just you me and our baby 

This is good 

This is perfect 

Reviews

[Carlos Lorenzo Estrada]

An entire life painted in words. Aspirations, hopes, and heartbreak. Keep writing and continued success.

[The Things She Noted]

Thank you so much!! :)