This Place

This Place

A Poem by Daisy Morgy
"

An atmospheric poem with an evil edge. One of my random ideas

"

The sun rises.

As a new day approaches.

Empty sand-

Barren

From the harsh touch.

Of natures cruelty.

No one knows of this place.

Where footprints trail behind-

Fading Into nothingness.

Never to leave a trace.

Bleeding-

Through shattered glass.

Winds do hesitantly whisper.

Stories long forgotten.

Left to spread thin through-

Floating flowers.

Screaming in silence.

Begging-

To be remembered.

The word why-

Is at the tip of your tongue.

But before you can speak

Truth is overcome-

By lies and deceit.

starving with wrong.


For the time will draw nigh.

When the Devil will walk this way.

Following the ashes

That will lead him back


To this place.

© 2015 Daisy Morgy


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Author's Note

Daisy Morgy
This is my first poem idea from being back on the site after a long time. I take criticism well so good or bad reviews are welcome. Thank you.

My Review

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Featured Review

At first I thought that the punctuation was off, but I think you created a clever sensation - stopping thoughts mid-air, and forcing the reader to imagine if it is possible to separate thoughts like that....(and of course it is!!)......the full stop before nature's cruelty, for example, forces a deeper consideration of how cruel nature could be. (and for that matter, humankind too)

In the end, when deception wins, all we have would be the ashes of what once was good and wholesome.

Provocative writing!

Posted 5 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

Sometimes I wonder if it is nature that is cruel, or the systems we build around, with, and within it. I sense struggle and futility in your words, hearkening at not so much nature, but man. Though nature does have its capacities to terrify and inconvenience us. Sad, however, that instead of this fact uniting us, it separates us all too often.

Good words

Posted 4 Years Ago


I really like this -- it has a very intense feel. I only stumble over one line -- starving with wrong -- I want to say from instead. But anyhow, a really good poem.

Posted 5 Years Ago


At first I thought that the punctuation was off, but I think you created a clever sensation - stopping thoughts mid-air, and forcing the reader to imagine if it is possible to separate thoughts like that....(and of course it is!!)......the full stop before nature's cruelty, for example, forces a deeper consideration of how cruel nature could be. (and for that matter, humankind too)

In the end, when deception wins, all we have would be the ashes of what once was good and wholesome.

Provocative writing!

Posted 5 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

What starts out as great imagery transitions into a short but strong message at the end. Not bad.

Posted 6 Years Ago


This is great. I loved the stops. — they make it feel more important. Great job, really.

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

This is a great piece. I imagine you spent a lot of time editing and changing the sequence, it shows in how well the final poem reads. Great stuff, keep it up!

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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318 Views
6 Reviews
Rating
Shelved in 1 Library
Added on April 24, 2015
Last Updated on April 25, 2015
Tags: evil, atmospheric, poem, nature, imagery, sad

Author

Daisy Morgy
Daisy Morgy

Norwich, United Kingdom



About
Hi :) My name is daisy, I'm now 19 years old but I started this profile when I was 15. Studying my second year of Animation at NUA 👌🏻 This has been a great way to watch my writing pr.. more..

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