The night sky

The night sky

A Poem by Alexa Aiden

So I've been up
drinking some tea,
drinking some orange juice.
Staring out my window, drinking the sky.
It's so beautiful tonight!
I am so easily tricked,
one step out that door and the night will devour me.
I'll get caught up in the beauty and I might not come home.
That's why my mother won't let me outside
She's afraid she'll lose me
But I keep telling her 'You won't lose me mama, I'm right here. I'll never leave you forever'
But she just shook her head feverishly and said 'no' almost in a whisper. I could see tears
blooming in her eyes.
'Why don't you trust me, mama?' I pleaded.
'It's not you I don't trust, it's the night. It will capture you tight. You'll reciprocate that love
and once you fall in love, you'll never come back. You see, that's why I can't let you go.'
I looked at her, desperation in my eyes, and said 'you have to let go one day mama. I
won't ever let the night keep me away from you, because everything I am belongs to you.
And if my heart is true, when I get lost in the moment, I'll always find my way back to you.

© 2010 Alexa Aiden


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So beautiful and uplifting. I adore this poem. You have some grammar errors and several "i"'s and "i'm's" that need to be capitalized but otherwise I really love the flow of this poem. The spoke words missed in works really well for the rhythm, except I didn't find that the "she said" after the "that's why I can't let you go." sentence really fit the rhythm. Oh and you should also put a comma after "desperation in my eyes" for grammar's sake. The simplistic way of speaking is also lovely, using "mama" I found that to be very personal and real in a poem that gives a fantastical twist on reality. You always need key thing to tie down reality in a poem that exemplifies on realism... and you definitely nailed it (if that's what you were going for, I'm really going on an analysis limb haha).

I also really, truly enjoyed the "drinking" part at the beginning, tea, orange juice, sky. Wonderful imagery. It also has a very playful tone before the serious, heartfelt stuff which I loved reading. Amazing poem!

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.



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Reviews

So beautiful and uplifting. I adore this poem. You have some grammar errors and several "i"'s and "i'm's" that need to be capitalized but otherwise I really love the flow of this poem. The spoke words missed in works really well for the rhythm, except I didn't find that the "she said" after the "that's why I can't let you go." sentence really fit the rhythm. Oh and you should also put a comma after "desperation in my eyes" for grammar's sake. The simplistic way of speaking is also lovely, using "mama" I found that to be very personal and real in a poem that gives a fantastical twist on reality. You always need key thing to tie down reality in a poem that exemplifies on realism... and you definitely nailed it (if that's what you were going for, I'm really going on an analysis limb haha).

I also really, truly enjoyed the "drinking" part at the beginning, tea, orange juice, sky. Wonderful imagery. It also has a very playful tone before the serious, heartfelt stuff which I loved reading. Amazing poem!

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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Added on May 27, 2010
Last Updated on May 27, 2010

Author

Alexa Aiden
Alexa Aiden

Hollywood, CA



About
Hello world, my name is Alexa and I want to discover you. I'm a tea drinking, music obsessed, book gazer. And i'm a little freak. I walk the world with an open mind and a costume on. Art has taken ove.. more..

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