Deadly Goddess

All dressed up in my Astros jersey, Astros fitted, grill gleamin
Looked across the room, seen a female, looked like the one I've been dreamin
about for years, she was just chillin, sittin all alone
So I played it cool, acted like I had messages to send on my phone
Resembled a goddess, an understatement to say she was pretty
Full juicy lips, phat a*s, like she was from the city
Of Houston, she just had that kind of swag
So I approached her, "excuse me, I don't mean to be a nag
But I been checkin you out, beauty shines from across the street"
She looked up and smiled, said "here, would you like a seat"?
Usually don't do this but I had my eyes on her like a baby sitter
Imagination runnin wild, she had me sweatin like I was pitchin a no-hitter
Offered me a drink, and before I could even blink
Alcohol had me makin rude suggestions, like, "I think
we should take this party of two back to my place"
Lovin her style, I can see she does everything with grace
Before we left, I had to ask, "so do you have a name"?
She mumbled, started laughin, intoxicated like she had no shame
Quickly approached me, whisperin in my left ear
Put her hand on my heart said "I can tell it beats no fear
before we go back to your place, I gotta game for ya
my name is death, this is my disguise and this is how I came for ya"
 

Reviews

[passion]

That's crazy! I thought I know where this was going but I was SADLY mistaken and pleasantly surprised. It's a good look...a real good look.

Dear Mr. Thug Life
Now this is some writing. Great staging and set-up for ending. Lots of original lines like "eyes on her like a babysitter." I read a few others and could not review because I cannot pretend that I "get it."
If you don't mind, I have a few questions and one comment: I suspect you have a vocabulary much larger than what you show us here (ex: uncouth).

Have you been shot?
What does "stick my fork" mean (as in "Where can I stick my fork?" . . . I think that's what you wrote.)

Best
Hattie

[bluessadmood]

God my friend you are a lost treasure ..i have been seeking for treasure..i am a hunter ..kind of ha ha
this is very artistic writing very witty and very funny ..and so exciting to read
i was so well dressed Astros fitted..gleaming
i looked across and i saw her..the one i ve been looking long for
for years..so chilling sitting alone..i played cool
she resembled a Goddess ..understatement to say how pretty she was
and i approached ..dont mean to be nag..i said
i been checking you from across the street..she said here take a seat
i had my eyes on her like a baby sitter(how i loved this)
imagination running wild ..was all sweat..offered a drink
offered a journey back home ..i asked for name..i heard a luagh
MY NAME IS DEATH..THIS IS MY DISGUISE..THIS IS HOW I COME FOR YOU
what lovely write my friend ..you never stop amazing me..so nice exciting write
how i enjoyed this
lovely write

[Onyx Sky]

This was awesome... for some reason totally took me by surprise. I thought I knew where this was going, but I lke the drastic turn the poem took. It has a deep underlying message So props to you. :)

[A LaDy NaMeD D]

yup yup, becareful who you mess with. Mama told me it applied to men as much as women lol. Looks can be decieving, it only takes one time lol. This was good though. Your message was clear, flow a little off, but overall, it was good.

[K. McNeil]

wooo that's how a lot of people get caught up...it only takes one time
captivating story