Today i say goodbye...

Just something i wrote in a moment when i was very down-hearted

 

 

Today I say good-bye to myself..

 

I wave my love farewell

 

The only dream I ever had…

 

It’s gone...far away hiding from me…

 

Not meant to be

 

So now I’m empty…

 

 

Today I leave my life in the hands of chance

 

May time decide…and God

 

I stand up and step off the game

 

May chance play it for me – I don’t care

 

Don’t want to bare…

 

 

I let my heart go astray

 

And I give up

 

Alone and empty I listen to the sound of the bitter tears pouring my soul out

 

Now I am an outlaw without a cause, a song without a theme, a bird with clipped wings

 

Hope is gone, dreams all killed by dawn, memories wiped by time

 

So I leave it all behind

 

I leave my soul behind and I move on as I trade on it

 

May walls replace my spirit and burry my memories

 

 

Today I die ~ Good-bye!

Reviews

[None]

Sorry to see such sadness but through the dawn comes your incredible poem! You have such feeling in your words--never forced--from the heart and soul.
"Alone and empty I listen to the sound of the bitter tears pouring my soul out Now I am an outlaw without a cause, a song without a theme, a bird with clipped wings" There is nothing more heartwrenching than this. A flowing, melancholy poem with a glimmer of hope within.

[Bhavya Kaushik]

This is really very sad, deep and intense indeed!
I loved it's flow :)
There is an imitable pain in your words which moved me ..
"Today I die ~ Good-bye!"-Great work..
Awesome write :) :)

[Kara Emily Krantz]

for some reason... even throughout the sadness inherent within this piece.... i also felt.. a re-birth, a sweetness, and it made it all that much more dynamic and intriguing... and it definitely pulled at different parts of me... great job :)

[Captain Blackheart (The..]

So Very, very sad......a really touching and heartfelt read. You have a wonderful way with words.....Brilliant!

[Rain]

The depth of sadness in this piece jumps off the page at you. When you can read it a piece like this and it makes you want to seek out and hug the writer...that's good writing. Yes, love and pain, they're so entwined. I think some of the most powerful piece were written on the ledge. Rain..

[E. M. Murren]

Such deep sadness. Life does bring pain. Your words are beautiful albeit mournful. They paint a picture of despair so vividly. Well done.

[Nicole (Carpe Diem)]

very sad piece - beautiful how the words just flow... fantastic writing...

[Fabian G. Franklin]

Very sad. I hope to read something a little more positive and uplifting from you in the future. Gather all the strength you can today to help you work towards a brighter tomorrow.

[Chris Zahar]

Certainly dramatic but you need to get rid of some of the redundancies. Here's an example: "Today I give up myself". Get rid of "myself". All you need is "Today I give up". You also say "Today I let go of my life". The reader already knows this because in the stanza before it you talk about how you left your life to chance. Perhaps you put it in more for emphasis but it came off as redundancy. The whole line "Today I let go of my life and leave my heart go astray (should be "LET my heart go astray")" could probably be taken out of the poem completely.

This shouldn't discourage you, because, overall, this is a great and powerful poem. It just has a couple of quirks that could probably stand to be left out of it. Some poems are just trash, not even worth the paper they were printed on. This poem isn't one of them. It's got a lot of potential. It just has a couple of screws loose that need to be tightened.