Chameleon: My Undying Oppression

This poem is my expression of my BPD

my lens through life has always been slow
like the changing of seasons

no ending, or beginning

i noticed every leaf that fell

my mind has always been fast pace

but nature reminded me
i cannot fight my nature
nor the nature of others

nature seems to know its purpose in life
i never could find mine

the world will go on without me
i fought being a part of it anyway

i was always a clever one
they would tell me

well see, when you feel hollow
you’ll go to extreme lengths

to make the seasons mean something

focus on the smallest things
and the bigger pictures
i never noticed the trees
but i see every leaf

i often fought nature
was never ready for the transitions

i romanticized my pain and confusion in a way
that led to extreme questions

near death experiences

of my body
and my mind
they never did morph into a butterfly

i just wanted to stop the cycling of seasons

i never really was good at life

i tried to ride the waves
but always, a storm cloud in the sky

it’s always been in my nature to be kind
my self defense

but nature is cruel
and so are we
so am i

there is an order in nature
i suppose the highest is we
though every being has its place
cruel, it seems

the more times the earth spun round the sun
the more i felt disturbed from everything under it

i still beg
&
plead

but the leaves just keep falling

only the seasons know me
every triumph & failing
every idea i’ve let go with the wind

my existence flashes through my mind at the speed of light

but the leaves just keep falling

Reviews

[NelliKong]

I really liked this comparison of nature and seasons as you relate it to BPD. I enjoyed reading this. The imagery that you portray is amazing. One of my favorite lines was " i don't notice the tree but I notice every single leaf". Cant wait to read more of your writing.