Two Minutes

Will literally take two minutes of your life to read....

-Rob, we've been talking for nearly an hour...I'm going to be late!-

-Ah c'mon, just answer. How would you spend the last two minutes of your life?-

Jenna smiled and typed:- You know I hate questions like that!-
She could imagine Rob's easy smile and soft laughter as she read his reply.
-Haha I know! :P But just answer. How would you spend it?-

In spite of the question, Jenna smiled and was already replying with:
- I'd spend it with you, telling each other how much we love each other :) - She paused to look at her watch; 9.02. She was already late for a lecture she didn't want to miss. She hurriedly continued typing. - Gotta go! C u l8r. I love you! x -

She stepped off the curb straight into an oncoming car. She was killed instantly. Still holding the phone in her hand, Jenna's open eyes stared blankly ahead, never getting to read the text from Rob. It said: - Right answer! See? That didn't kill you to answer did it? :) See you later, baby. I love you too! x -

Reviews

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Okay this was... Brilliant. From the starting description to the ending line. It really took 2 minutes to read but I read it again to process it in my head lol.. 😛
Really, on a serious note, life is just like that. You never know what lies as you take sharp turns like the twists in your stories..
Great write as always by you, Tina. Powerful too 👍

[Tina H.W.]

Thank you! It took a few more minutes to write than two but I like the feedback it's had for such a short piece. Thank you, Yumna. You and your compliments are welcome anytime! :D

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Few more minutes? 5? 😉😛
It's a good piece. You're welcome, Tina. Always a pleasure reading your works 😊😊

[Tina H.W.]

Aw shucks #^.^# :)

[Inject Positivity]

This is amazing, you know I have always admired your unique way of telling story and this kind of ideas is your trademark Tina... It was in one point sweet but the ending is sad and I guess it is real too... Very well done frnd...

So very glad to see you again... I hope you are okay...

Sincerely
Dhiman

[Tina H.W.]

Thank you, Dhiman. And thank you for your kind, encouraging comment. I really never know if any of my stories are up to much but words like yours make me believe in myself just that little bit more. :)
It's good to see you again too! :)
Best wishes to you.
Tina

[From the Mind of Doc]

A well "timed" short story which I enjoyed reading, though, in todays world this "story" is sadly happening somewhere even as I type...

Thank you for your thoughts - and this story.

Best wishes,
Doc Martin

[Tina H.W.]

Thank you for your comment and taking the time to read! :)

[barleygirl]

This is very cleverly crafted to show the contrast between her getting plowed down & him saying "it won't kill you to answer." Your texting dialogue is well-done & natural-sounding. The back-and-forth is appropriate for the situation. You explain just enuf for the reader to get the whole scenario of what's happening, despite the brevity of your message.

[Tina H.W.]

I was once told less is more so... Thank you a lot for your kind words. :)

[barleygirl]

I completely believe in "less is more" (((HUGS)))

[Samuel Dickens]

So well said--and the kind of thing that you know could easily happen. I never knew you had such fine prose-writing ability. It's lean and to the point. Great job!

[Tina H.W.]

Thank you! That means a lot to me :)

[Shannon]

Wow, romantic and sad and dark!
Nicely written.

Are you looking for suggestions?

PS. Nice to see you!

[Tina H.W.]

Hi :) Sure! Nice to see you too.

[Shannon]

Formatting can be difficult on the Café, but if you can, give it more space.

I might also consider rearranging:
In her haste and the distracting melody of another incoming text from Rob, she pressed 'read' as she stepped off the curb straight into an oncoming car.

Or even deleting the first part, 'In her haste and the distracting melody of another incoming text from Rob' gives away the end of the sentence. Let it hit us harder!

Ps hoping you recall suggestions are only that, suggestions!

[Tina H.W.]

Thank you! Amended. Is this what you meant by "spacing"? I see what you mean by taking out that sentence. It held it back a little. Now it comes as more of a shock to the reader (well, hopefully). Any constructive criticism and suggestions are always welcome! :)

[Shannon]

By space I was thinking of separating each text into a paragraph to represent dialogue.