Invisibility And Me

Invisibility And Me

A Poem by Tina H.W.

Unseeing. but sensing
The blackness of your eyes;
Staring into the green of mine.
My heart is pure white; soft, warm.
Yours is dark, tormented by night.
I hear the wind outside my window;
whispering my name.
You hear nothing but silence;
It deafens your soul.
You don't love; you don't hate.
You don't feel the heat of
Midnight Summer;
Nor my hand pressed against yours;
Warmth meeting icy coolness
In the depths of darkness.
I smile at you; the other part of me;
My reflection in the mirror at midnight;
In the darkness of my room.

© 2017 Tina H.W.


Author's Note

Tina H.W.
This is my first real attempt at poetry. Any critique at all is welcome :)

My Review

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Featured Review

Perfect! This is what I can read a thousand times and won't get tired! It's so good! You have the ability to keep the reader captivated for the whole poem!
These are my favorite lines...
"My heart is pure white; soft, warm.
Yours is dark, tormented by night. "
It's so delicate... so pure and true!
I'm so happy to be reading this masterpiece!
Keep it up! :)


Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Mr.Writer

6 Years Ago

No problem! Keep on writing Tina, don't stop, because if your first attempt can be sooo good, the ot.. read more
Tina H.W.

6 Years Ago

Aw, thank you! I'm kind of lost for words now... ;)
Mr.Writer

6 Years Ago

Haha, no worries



Reviews

Perfect! This is what I can read again and again. Keep it up.

Posted 5 Years Ago


Great poem! I interpret this poem as being about being lost and torn in two. This could also be about losing touch with your emotions. But I'm not always the best at interpretations. Great job!

Posted 6 Years Ago


This is GOOD! I have a few relatively minor technical suggestions.

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Tina H.W.

6 Years Ago

Thank you, Bodine. Please feel free to say what you think. Any helpful advice is welcome :)
Bodine

6 Years Ago

For starters:
- You might lowercase the first letter of each line. That will (among other thi.. read more
It's hard to believe this is your first attempt, Tina! The metaphors you use, the punctuations and the depth here really portrays class. I would love to read more of your poetic works too! Oh and the twist at the end made me smile lol
Neat write :)

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Dr. YumnaKay

6 Years Ago

Lol that's like a good boy 😂😂😂
Mr.Writer

6 Years Ago

Yep :) I'ma be a good boy :) :D
Dr. YumnaKay

6 Years Ago

Oh yeah and never was there anyone more than you hahah 😂😂😂
For first attempt, it was a beauty...and you did truly well...hope to see more poems from you..:)

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Tina H.W.

6 Years Ago

Thank you! Although not a natural poet, I'll try :)
Surya

6 Years Ago

You can Tina, was my pleasure...:)
What a beautifully written poem. Especially on your first attempt! I definitely look forward to reading more of your poetry. Well done!

Paul

Posted 6 Years Ago


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B
Really you are very talented
The reflection is that element of truth
We all dodge that moment
Seeing what we wish we could unsee
but that mirror is so bright

Really well done
Love your color usage

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Tina H.W.

6 Years Ago

Thank you very much, SoloSolace, kind comments such as yours always raise my spirits. Thank you agai.. read more
B

6 Years Ago

Glad to be of service
Read a poetry after a very long time. Glad to read something catchy & captivating this morn. If you won't mention it in your author's note that it's your first attempt, i would've certainly never known that it's in actual your first attempt.. at poetry. I remember the day since i wrote & posted my first poetry of mine on this cafe's site back in 2012, only i know, how bad i was at this. Poor grammar. Very bad usage of words. Unstable sentence structure, and really very meaningless stuffs i ev'n used to write during those learning days, but i see, you're very good at this. Everything you've well structured around... with proper usage of words.

Kinda like the depth of it as well. A bit romantic (of course, from your flowery side, & a bit sensuous, and nasty and erotic and very tender ( certainly, from your lover's side). xoxo

Liked the way you've written it around such deep words. Looking forward to reading your work.

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 2 people found this review constructive.

Tina H.W.

6 Years Ago

Wow, Wordsmith, if your review is poetic, I'm certainly looking forward to checking out your poetry .. read more
Perfect! This is what I can read a thousand times and won't get tired! It's so good! You have the ability to keep the reader captivated for the whole poem!
These are my favorite lines...
"My heart is pure white; soft, warm.
Yours is dark, tormented by night. "
It's so delicate... so pure and true!
I'm so happy to be reading this masterpiece!
Keep it up! :)


Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Mr.Writer

6 Years Ago

No problem! Keep on writing Tina, don't stop, because if your first attempt can be sooo good, the ot.. read more
Tina H.W.

6 Years Ago

Aw, thank you! I'm kind of lost for words now... ;)
Mr.Writer

6 Years Ago

Haha, no worries

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14 Reviews
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Added on March 25, 2017
Last Updated on March 25, 2017

Author

Tina H.W.
Tina H.W.

United Kingdom



About
Hello! :) Wow! I feel out of my depth among so many talented writers! Well.. I like to write (that's when I have the time) Most of my stories are either humorous or dark and sinister. I love to try a.. more..

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