Pass on

We all have to go, just some are earlier than others.

She was only four
when her mother moved on
and drunk to the core
was her father at home

she hid in the closet
or under the bed
"where are you damn girl!"
is all he had said

She was always found
and dragged by her hair
thrown to the ground
and beaten everywhere

He had broken a bottle
atop of her head
shouting insults
and how he wanted her dead

And after her beating
she would just smile
he was her father
and she loved him all the while

But after this beating
a man came close
face covered in black
he softly spoke

"I'll stop your woes.
All I need is consent."
but she shook her head with a smile
and looked on ahead
at her drunken father
that now lay in bed

He then disappeared
and the day repeated
then he reappeared
for she had to be taken

She stared with a smile
as blood came from her lip
and violets bloomed
on her arms and hip

"Your mother is calling."
the cloaked man would say
"And she wouldn't hurt you.
Like your father may."

"She is in a land
full of flowers and joy
so I ask you once more
and please don't be coy.

It's better this way
and you know this too
don't burden your father
more than you already do."

Then she looked at the gate
the gate full of light
and looked at her father
tears falling from her eyes

She walked to her father
and kissed him on the head
took death's hand
and walked to the land for the dead

Author's Note

Please tell me what you think. :)

Reviews

[Damien Thibodeaux]

I am no expert, but technically, pay attention to your rhyme schemes. Some stanzas are AC,BD and some are just BD. Either way it works, just work towards consistancy throughout, whichever scheme you choose. But all that aside, I loved this! I agree with my english composition professor from my college days, content is more important than structure when you are a writer, and you have nailed it! You paint a picture that oozes emotion. The reader feels the pain, can relate on some level and can visualize the story told in your words. Yes, it may be sad, but by making the reader feel this sadness is all you can ask for as a writer. I have read both your poems and really like what I'm reading. I can't wait for more.

[WordlessFacade]

Thank you! I will work on my rhyme scheme but I'm glad you liked it! :D

[Aura Devour]

Love it... it's dark and emotional.. Paints a clear picture in my mind of the innocent child and the abusive father.. loved it!

[WordlessFacade]

Thank you!

[Zahra]

this is really heart wrenching and painful. A strong and effective write

[WordlessFacade]

I'm glad you like it :)

[BloodySkye]

I can relate to this {sadly}
This also reminds me of a animation shot film I watched on youtube I can't remember the name.

But it was about a little boy who was terrified of his closet and his father was always drunk and very abusive to both his wife and the little boy. The father would always lock the little boy in his room and every night the scary thing in the closet would slowly manifest and creep closer to the boy. One day the father was more horrible then usual and was beating the mom half to death. The boy peeked through his door and watched then shakily came out and tried desperately to save his mother. But the father knocked him off and tried to put him in his room but the boy fought and father got angrier then something happened. The boy suddenly became the monster he was afraid of and killed the father.

The sooner it happened it finished and the boy woke his mom up and she saw blood everywhere and hugged the boy. Not knowing he was the one who killed the father. At the end while the boy hugged hi mom back his face switched back the evil creature who killed the father. Then it detached itself from him and disappeared back into the closet.

Your poem reminded me this, very deep and precise yet shocking.

[WordlessFacade]

I'm glad you like it, and I'm sorry if you had been in this type of situation :( , but I think I've seen what you are talking about.

[Pax]

that was a shocking end, but reality speaking, many do took deaths hand, when your taken to the edge of your suffering... still usually giving up to abuse is never the answer... its okay to fight back and just leave, leave the b*****d that keeps beating you... sigh... not sure what to say anymore, because this things are hard to answer... and now about the piece, i think you did well in telling the story, and how things flow in smooth way... so i think you did great on the story, a very sad story...

[WordlessFacade]

Thank you :)