Slap it on a bagel

An advert for bagels, with heavy references to bake beans.

Slap it on a bagel

 

Smooth soft voice over. During the next bit someone’s hand is reaching down to a bowl of bake beans in slow motion, when they get to the bowl they start weirdly stirring the beans with the whole of their hand.

 

Baked beans, the most delicious invention since, well… just normal beans. Mhhhhh, so god damn good. So good, its pretty much a sin to eat them, as no one could love a god more than the succulent, warm, taste of bake beans. Mhhhhhh. If bake beans were a football club, they would be Barcelona, because well, there just the best, and sometimes they can be messy, but who cares because there bake beans. So good. If bake beans were a poet, they’d be Shakespeare, because I actually don’t know any other poets, and poetry is beautiful, but not as beautiful as bake beans. Mhhhhhh. You get my point anyway, bake beans are better than the best kind of good, and then add 12. That’s exactly how good they are. Mhhhhhh. I think I’m in love.

 

The slow motion stops, the hand picks the beans up and throws the handful on a bagel.

 

I can’t even handle this anymore

 

You hear a gun being loaded off screen, a bang and blood spatters onto the beans and bagel. White words appear at the top. “Slap it on a bagel, making great things, greater” 

Author's Note

Be brutal, or not. Please just be honest.