If You Put YOU First,Who's Gonna Put Your Child First???

If You Put YOU First,Who's Gonna Put Your Child First???

A Story by TheJourneyman

An anecdotal cautionary derivative of a doting parent having to separate from their child's home.

"What do I owe myself?" is a very important question...but it comes second to the question "What do I owe my child?" (I have a 4 year old son and a 2 year old son) And THAT's why I would be with my son's mother even though we haven't gotten along the best lately.I will learn her and where I went wrong with dealing with her imperfections and I will go back with a different mind frame and more emotional restraint. In life EVERYONE will eventually be separated from you in either one of three ways (or some of us unlucky enough maybe all 3) : death, by their own will, or by capture/incarceration. A couple months past 2 years old is too early in a child's life to begin learning about separation. I'm here to tell you something of real value to remember and make a note of that you might not ever hear again... the way the world, our values, and our morals are going. When they tell you to leave the mother of your child or the father of your child because they're just that, somebody you created a child with: Don't you DARE buy that s**t, it's a trick of stupidity and it may well come from The Devil (if you're so inclined to believe such a thing exists) it's so much of a poor decision that many of us STILL choose to make. If everyone thought that way we would be a population of broken families, or like cars with 2 wheels instead of 4, or bikes with 1 wheel instead of 2. Why wouldn't you want to give your child an advantage that he/she SHOULD HAVE? Especially if both parents adore the child and have at least that blanket of love to cover that young child in. How can you separate from or put your child through separation at two years old? You can't be concerned mostly or only with your child's physical.You have to be concerned with their physical,mental,and their emotional equally.Physically for obvious reasons , but mental and emotional not so obvious. Which one controls the human being, the mind or the emotions? The answer is BOTH, but in different people the balance is or can be skewed to either side. Some people are controlled by their mental,some people are controlled by their emotional. Which would you like your child to be? If you don't control your EMOTIONS, your emotions will control YOU. This applies to everyone, even our children. Your emotions affect how you view the world,your emotions directly affect your attitude.Your uncontrolled emotions are strong enough to destroy the path in front of you. Who's gonna teach this to your kids, if not you? Leaving them when they're 2 is gonna be the worst lesson, it's gonna scramble them emotionally. How could you force your son's father out of your 2 year old's home and be putting your child's emotional health and happiness 1st? That's for certainly gonna f**k your child up. You wouldn't make your child endure a cut to the face or the arm for your comfort, right? So why make your child endure a cut to the mind or to the heart so you can be comfortable? And the cut of a absent or significantly diminished loving parent is so long-lasting it's like a constant pang, which is like torture. When you bring a life into this world,you are no longer simply the Created, you are a co-Creator. Where would Hercules be, how would his story have gone if Zeus and Hera decided to part ways? They kept it together, and if they did have outside interests they kept it a secret. They came together and stayed together to help their common goal of shaping and helping their creation's/child's future and/or path develop for the best. Don't break up your family if keeping it together is an option. And it's always an option if you KNOW you're contributing to the discord/lack of harmony in your relationship with your S/O( EVEN if your contribution to the problem is being slow to learn how to deal with your mate in the flawed state that they're in), because you KNOW that you can make some necessary adjustments to your behavior or attitude, go back and have a smarter approach in relating/dealing with the other person in your relationship .And you HAVE to learn how to forget, how to let things PENETRATE OUT OF YOUR THICK SKULL the same way certain things have a hard time penetrating into your thick skull.Think for a minute what you would do or sacrifice for your child's physical health or material welfare....Now think, what would you sacrifice for your child's mental & emotional health? You'd sacrifice a lot, right? Lemme guess you'd do the the un-thinkable, right? But would you sacrifice yourself? That's the question. Don't be selfish, YOU laid down and brought a life into this world with someone you didn't screen good or didn't have longevity of chemistry with. Don't put your child through the wildcard trauma of parent-child separation, you don't know what harmful ways it's going to affect them. Or even if they will truly ever recover before it's too late. Be mature, grow up,be smart and sacrifice for your kids by making your relationship better with their mother/father and doing the right thing by keeping your family together. And I know it takes more than one, that's why I'm telling you all. A relationship fails often because there is no understanding, there is no understanding because the communication and listening is poor.If a person can understand you they'll tolerate you, and vice versa you'll tolerate them.But you don't only have to understand them and their weaknesses, you need to get in touch with your own too. You may have a weakness in the area of adapting to co-exist with difficult people, who lurk everywhere: the neighborhood, the club, church, work. Sometimes even in our own homes. It takes two to move forward but it takes only one to be the bigger person to give a couple a CHANCE to move forward. SOMEone has to decide to stop arguing and being angry, and bitter.Let it be YOU who decides this first.Lead by example, if they're not too slow they'll understand that change and non-confrontationalness is next up on the menu.Just like a real driver knows he/she has to drive taking other drivers' behavior or potential screw-ups into account, an all-around quick--FAST as opposed to SLOW--learner understands that they have to have enough diplomacy and emotional control to counter-act the other person's dearth/lack of the those two things.To my fellow men out there: we often demand that a woman bend, conform, or control her mouth for us, but we don't realize that SHE doesn't even control HERSELF, HER EMOTIONS DO. A woman controlled by her emotions is like a burning fire. It's out of control, that's why it's burning. ANYTHING you say or do that she doesn't like is throwing fuel on the raging fire that she's become .The sooner we recognize this the sooner we approach her differently.It is impossible for two angry people to get over their issues with each other unless one first calms down and redirects their approach. A person not on fire always stands a better chance of reasoning with/rescuing someone who's on fire than they would if they themselves are on fire too. Make the best decision for your child your top priority.The evolved thing to do is to smartly battle relationship demons to keep your child's world/their family in tact.

© 2014 TheJourneyman

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Added on August 13, 2014
Last Updated on August 15, 2014
Tags: parenting, relationships, love, children, kids, break-ups, divorces, Americans, African-americans, Self-Help, Responsibility, Accountability, Doing The Right Thing



Milwaukee, WI

33 year old Blak male, tryna get it right---This thing called Life. Feel free to hit me up about my posts via phone 4142027667 or by email at [email protected] more..