Title At The End!

Title At The End!

A Poem by Tori
"

It was described as more of a riddle poem so I think I'll have the title at the end.

"

I know you are watching me,

 

I can feel your stare

 

as I stand upon your skin

 

millions of tiny eyes blink back.

 

 

I hear you calling in the night

 

as you seem to scream in pain.

 

you throw your hands upon the rocks in temper,

 

punishing yourself and the land you seek to conquer.

 


 

On sunny days grey clouds follow you

 

they make you seem angry,

 

But I can hear you sing

 

as you watch the children play their games.

 

 

 


In winter when you let it snow

 

your perfect skin goes from golden to white.

 

Your greedy hands grab as much as you can

 

but the fragile flakes melt into your watery grasp.


 

I don't know if you notice me.

 

I am like a grain of sand to you and your infinite power.

 

But I notice you,

 

my friend, my life, my sea.

 

© 2008 Tori


Author's Note

Tori
Just wanted to know if there was any bit your liked or didn't like ect.

My Review

Would you like to review this Poem?
Login | Register




Featured Review

Interesting poem, definitely was an attention catcher. I love the language and rhetorical devices you used, and the last line really got to me!

"But I can hear you sing
as you watch the children play their games."

I loved that line as well, the painting it makes and the picture which shows up in my mind was just so vivid I was like 'whoa!'. Some of the lines I was a little iffy, not sure if you were trying to rhyme or not, but that was just something that confused me a little.

Posted 12 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

you throw your hands upon the rocks in temper,
punishing yourself and the land you seek to conquer.

These lines remind me of the rocky Maine coast, a short drive from where I used to live. I like the description of the sea as "friend". The first two lines of the poem drew me in. Good imagery!


Posted 12 Years Ago


Interesting poem, definitely was an attention catcher. I love the language and rhetorical devices you used, and the last line really got to me!

"But I can hear you sing
as you watch the children play their games."

I loved that line as well, the painting it makes and the picture which shows up in my mind was just so vivid I was like 'whoa!'. Some of the lines I was a little iffy, not sure if you were trying to rhyme or not, but that was just something that confused me a little.

Posted 12 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.

Almost didn't find your lovely poem. You are having the same problme that I have posting. Cut it and post again to get it up at the top.


Your poetry shows talent and I hope to see more from you.

Posted 12 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


Request Read Request
Add to Library My Library
Subscribe Subscribe


Stats

226 Views
3 Reviews
Rating
Added on October 16, 2008
Last Updated on October 16, 2008

Author

Tori
Tori

Derby, United Kingdom



About
I'm studying writing. more..


Related Writing

People who liked this story also liked..