An ending and a beginning

An ending and a beginning

A Chapter by CrashDavis47
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prologue

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“Find your Brother.” That’s the last thing my father said to me. His last breath rasped as the words rolled off of his tongue. There were no words of fondness, or of regrets or even of the love lost between us. Simply “find your brother”. With every ounce of strength left in his body he pulled a sealed letter from the inside of his shirt, pressed it firmly in my hands and it was then that the light went out of his eyes. Those eyes that had seen so much life, so many struggles, had a moment before sparkled with intelligence and acceptance. Death was coming he knew it I knew it and that feeling left a palpable tension in the room that wasn’t easy to overcome. Those eyes now seemed dull and lifeless; his chest no longer moved with his labored breathing, it was done.

The king had passed and another must rise in his place. The new lord of the realm sat his father’s lifeless hand in his, and wept. They hadn’t always seen eye to eye in fact far from it of late but the passing of a father is always felt keenly by a son. “Find your brother” he had said the last wish of a dying man he had no choice. To ignore the dying wish of another was to bring the anger of the gods on your family. Slowly the tears ceased, breathing became easier and the new king raised his head. The king was unaware of how much time had passed, from the feeling of the cold lifeless hand in his it might have been hours. Still clenching the letter his father had passed to him thought returned, the fog of grief that had clouded his thinking was suddenly lifted. Find your brother he had said, what brother I have none. Suddenly the letter in his hand felt as if it was made of lead, he knew that he needed to know, he had to know. Slowly the king removed his had from that of his fathers and opened the letter.


Son if you’re reading this I have failed. It is hard for a man to look back at his life and feel like it was all for naught. As king I did right by the realm where I could and did my best where I couldn't. In these last years a gulf has grown between us, it is my greatest regret that I wasn't a better father to you. I did as best I could to prepare you for what is coming and pray to the gods it was enough. You are king now and the realm, the people, your responsibility. Here I am rambling like an old dotard. War is knocking on our doorstep my son, and I believe it will come soon. I wish I could be here to help you through what is to come but time is the master of all even a king. I've done all I can to make you ready for the responsibility that has now passed to you.

When a king dies most of his secrets go with him but I have one I would share with you now. While you Jon are my first son and heir, you are not my only son. Your mother gave birth to twin boys before this could become known I had a decision to make. Many times since I have questioned my decision but what’s done is done. Many kingdoms have fallen to civil war and the squabbles of royal families seeking the throne. I couldn't, I wouldn't let this happen. I took your younger brother and sent him with one of my most trusted knights. I did this because I could never stomach the death of an innocent babe let alone the fruit of my loins. I ordered Mikkel my most trusted knight to take and safeguard my child raise Thaedon as his own and never reveal his identity. Far to the north near a town known as Haven, is an inn called the dancing dragon. Show my ring to the innkeeper he can be trusted, he will help you find your brother.

War is coming and you will need all the help you can find to save this kingdom. Mikkel was my most trusted knight, my friend, and at times my counselor. You will need his help to navigate through the times ahead. You have heard many a story of my former champion and friend. But no matter the stories you have heard know this my son. He is brave beyond measure, intelligent, and loyal. There are few men alive that could have rivaled Mikkel in combat and fewer still that had a grasp of tactics like that damned clever fox. You need not reveal your brothers identity I leave that to you but you will need Mikkel’s help in the future and that of your brothers.

Look to our borders my son, war is coming and you must be prepared. Soon the Manean war with Altara will be finished, the Alterans can’t possibly hold much longer.When they have finished with the Alterans they will come. Mark my words Jon, Valen king of Manea will not be satisfied he will come and we must be ready.

Find Mikkel, Find your brother and save my kingdom.


Jon read the letter twice more, time is short he thought to himself. Jon crumpled the letter quickly and tossed it into the fire place. He watched as the letter blackened and burst to flame slowly curling into nothingness as it was consumed. With one last look to his father Jon left the room, he had a brother to find and a kingdom to save.



© 2012 CrashDavis47


Author's Note

CrashDavis47
please let me know if this is coherent and what changes i need to make. I've written enough to know i make plenty of mistakes and dont always make things as clear as they seem to me. I know what im trying to say and therefore what i write provides enough information. constructive criticism welcome.

My Review

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Featured Review

I'm a fan of fantasy stories to begin with (writing one as well), and this is has to be one of my favorite reads here on this site. It's hard to find good fantasy stories, but you explained so much in just a letter from the father of the new king. Jon must find his brother in the time of upcoming war. This is going to be a story I'm going to have to keep an eye on. Other than that just use some indenting for paragraphs, the grammar looked okay.

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

This is very good and very easy to read. You should watch for things like your italics which appear right before your letter. You forgot to take them off after his thought. One thing that I did notice while reading is that you mention the war maybe one too many times in the letter. Eventually your readers will be thinking, "Enough already, we get it war is coming." Repetition is tricky that way.
Other than a few basic things this was very well written.

Posted 6 Years Ago


I honestly must say your story here is well said, colorful, along with promising. I dearly hope you stick around and complete this fable because I would dearly like to see what becomes of this kingdom with no king as well as on the brink of war. I'm a fantasy fan to start with, just saying. Still, I would like you to know that I need to say negative things now and, no matter what, don't be discouraged by me. I don't want to offend you but inspire you. I want you to keep writing this only with my points in mind.

I know you said this is a rough draft. That I can accept. Now, if you review this rough draft, I saw that you should definitely missed including periods, indents, spaces, dashes, along with commas at parts. Plus, the letter should just be separated from this like paragraph (Double enter) letter (Double enter) then continue on. The letter should be separate to draw attention to it. Also, would it hurt to include a prologue to your tale. That would explain what's happening to your land better. Anyway, you did good, my friend. Don't mind me. I just wanted to let you know that, despite the errors, this was a good read. Keep up the good work. :)

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Eryn ♪

6 Years Ago

Cousitarian a prologue is not always necessary, usually being used by an amateur to draw attention, .. read more
Cousitarian

6 Years Ago

Then I'm an amateur. lol :P
Eryn ♪

6 Years Ago

As am I. :)
I'm a fan of fantasy stories to begin with (writing one as well), and this is has to be one of my favorite reads here on this site. It's hard to find good fantasy stories, but you explained so much in just a letter from the father of the new king. Jon must find his brother in the time of upcoming war. This is going to be a story I'm going to have to keep an eye on. Other than that just use some indenting for paragraphs, the grammar looked okay.

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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Added on December 28, 2012
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Author

CrashDavis47
CrashDavis47

denver, CO



About
Im an aspiring author, what i want to do in life is write novels. Im trying to take a serious go at this so please comment and critique my writing. anything to help me be a better writer is welcome more..

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