Haiku #1

Loss of balance
With a cave-in step
The driveway's snow

Reviews

[~crazy Beautiful~]

love it, I had this sensation about an hour ago, you put it in a much nicer light than I would.

step out of my jeep
socks becoming wet and cold
ready for the spring

[Adamdust]

the dash i was talking about would be perfect after the second line. it functions to stop the reader at that mark before carrying on to the final line. without that dash to stop the reader, they just roll on through the words. it also helps establish that juxtaposition i was tellin you about.

right on. good haiku. it has the images, it has the humor (haiku are often humorous) and it reveals something.

try the dash out, or a colon. sometimes a comma is fine. but also, don't feel bad if you don't capitalize the first words of each line. Why should those words stand out over the others? only capitalize certain words like country names, or months. words you're supposed to capitalize. or words you want capitalized on purpose for an effect. but so haiku: only what's necessary.

[Camoens, The Shadow-fir..]

interesting use of words, but fitting once I thought about it, well done my friend.

[Gordon Greene]

I've seen so little snow, but enough to get the sentiment.
I really liked the theme and the direction you went with it.
g.g.

[Krystal Waters]

Fit the description, I liked it and professional. Of course Tiger, I always love your poems!


Krystal