Journey

Lost the picture in the wipe... sorry.

Journeying down your body, I taste the clouds of heaven,
The cotton candy puffs floating in your solar hair.
Hints of kisses float behind your ears,
Cascading over your cheeks with fire's devouring passion.

At your mouth our lips meet with sweet expectation,
Mixing our honey together in our crytal kiss.
My tongue tingles and jumps as it meets yours,
A blue explosion of icy shivers crawling up my back.

At your neck, your gleaming pillar, I find a gateway,
Sliding down the milky skin that makes my heart skip and jump.
At your shoulders I find a hug worth holding forever,
And a perfect place for just a few more kisses.

Your arms are my final resting place,
The garden of Eden on both sides of me.
Your fingers were made only to be kissed,
With hands only fit to be held gently by flowers.

I rest on the bounty of your breasts,
Like a drunken man in this ecstasy.
The clock doesn't have enough hours
For me to spend with your body here.

Your belly merits showers of kisses,
Being the most graceful of your parts.
To think it can hold the child of our love,
A living vessel to hold our passions.

Reaching your hips I'm growing hungry,
My hands tremble as I hold them.
This, the center of your body,
Makes my eyes like starving lions.

Your legs like living statues
Hewn of cream coated silver.
Withhold what I'm seeking next,
Covering a gleaming fortune.

When I thought I had covered it all
Your beauty continued to astound me.
For when I had finished my daunting journey,
I found your back just as exciting!

Reviews

[L. L. Jacobson]

Dear Benjamin,

I first want to thank you for sharing such a beautiful and wholesome poem with every writer/reader whose eyes have just read this. You are right, this is how a sensual poem should be.
To think that some special woman could be such an extraordinary muse to your great talent, she must be honored for this gift of emotions, thoughts, and words.

This is my favorite stanza:
Your belly merits showers of kisses,
Being the most graceful of your parts.
To think it can hold the child of our love,
A living vessel to hold our passions.

I absolutely love the title of this poem and I think it resonates harmoniously with the journey it takes for true love in purest form, which seems to be such love, as in this poem. A journey for the complete understanding and appreciation of one another; roads taken slowly to be certain of "the one"...oh, my love just "does it" for me, and this poem made me so happy, smile from ear to ear, to think that there is such a tender side a man can bestow to show his lover his precious love; how great you are for feeling this, writing it; showing her.
This poem is breathtaking, full of sensuality and love in the highest spectacular muse!
Truly a beautiful, beautiful poem!

[Augusta]

whoa...im blown away...
i hope to write like you...or even better...just kidding!

you give this girl respect...
and you make love sound great and something rare...
you dont make it sound cheap or ridiculed...

"Your arms are my final resting place,
The garden of Eden on both sides of me.
Your fingers were made only to be kissed,
With hands only fit to be held gently by flowers."



thanks for pouring this out...
i wish everyone thought like you...

[MandarinOranges]

So much passion, romance and love. What a lovely dream...hope it's one that has come true for you. You are an excellent writter.

[Crap!]

Fav line, " the clock doesn't have enough hours for me to spend at worship there" a really nice piece of erotica, sensual without being blatant or plain out dirty, Good job my friend!

[Kurt Stroebel]

Quite impressive....I'm glad I didn't have to compete against this one in the contest! I love the imagery and vividness. Extremely well done!

I don't have any "poetic" suggestions as far as form and such....however, you did a great job building up and the last stanza somewhat left me saying "huh? that's it?" lol Sometimes, though, it's good to be left wanting! :) :)

[Merancapeman]

Whew, I was almost chewing my nails on this one. I was wondering where you'd lead with it, LOL. Very interesting metaphors, and quite a lot of them too. I will say that although there is a sense of journey here, it seems as though your metaphors are hiding what could be a more clearer understanding of the essence of this love. It seems a little fragmented at times, almost making it into separate little poems, or "steps" of your journey. It had a feeling of "this, then this, then this, then this," even though I still say it's a wonderful poem. Make it flow, not simply describing her in body, but all of what makes the journey worthwhile, as though each step is enticed and lured. It is wonderful as it is, but if you wish to edit it, it would be served well with more clarified imagery (some of the metaphors ran off with my attention) and a more deeper look into the soul of the journey rather than the steps taken.

Oh god, I hate myself now. Poetry, especially a budding masterpiece like this, is the blood of one's life. I feel like a vampire whenever I review critically. I only reviewed it like this because I quite fancy this one. As a description of a lovers form it is superb, but I think you were aiming for a more "adventurous" sort of goal with this one. My opinion; cut open another vein and this time add a little soul, make it known how each step leads to the next. I'm being a poo-poo head, I know. Bu I really liked it. It inspired me to write something... too bad I don't have anymore time...

[Blueyedreamer]

this is an exceptional piece of work
however i would have to agree with Atlanta Carter
this leaves so much in question, perhaps leading the reader off into thier own assumptions?
i think you could build a poem out of each stanza and really draw out the feeling behind the writing

i have read some of the other reviews, and i honestly dont think this is an erotic poem, sensual or passionate yes, but not erotic.
however you have definatly covered what can be concidered the most captivating parts of a womans body and artfully described them for your audiance

thank you for sharing

sincerely yours from the clouds ...blueyedreamer..........

[Kelly Raine]

Wow! the imagery! Damn, I could taste this poem, lol. Good work. I esp. loved "to think it can hold the child of our love/a living vessel to hold our passions". And I believe the term you're looking for would be "erotica", no?

[Narnie]

I think you have achieved a truly sensuous piece and it flows well - carrying the reader along with ease.


The rhythm increased as the poem went on but instead of a crescendo it continued to roll along - in a good way! A lovely read - thanks :)

[Amy Widmer]

I love this poem! The erotic nature is perfectly mingled with love and adoration. Well done... do submit this to the contest.

1 suggestion: "Like a drunken man in his ecstasy." But it can work well with out the "his."

[Dillon Monroe]

This is wonderful. I felt your description and you painted pictures of beauty in my mind. You made only one face come to mind while I read this, only one touch can ever come close to the way you describe it. I love the physical depiction of everything. This poem is wonderful. Perfect.

I love how you talk of the physical love you and attraction you have for your lover as well as the emotional one. I usually just stick to the emotional/spirtual connection we share, as we're too young to experience the journey that you described, but I think I'll try to in my next few poems. Wow, this poem is so inspiring to me as a writer of love and happiness. I love your journey and I wish you the best of luck in your relationship. Brilliant.

~Dillon Monroe