Mine

So you stand here,

Stare into the mirr',

Grasp the hands of fear,

And loose a single tear...

 

Forever do what I say,

Any thoughts of dismay,

Let the fire burn away,

Or with your life, pay.

Author's Note

Any help would be great, The first stanza some say is choppy, though I meant for it to be somewhat so to make the point please give suggestions.

Reviews

[vampireprincess]

Your awesome i love your work keep writing plz

[Mistaken]

The flow is really good in this line. I do agree with Scott on tweaking the fourth line to shedding a tear. Though this is short the emotion in it is exceptional. Great writing please do more;)

[Scott Free]

Sorry this one took me so long to get to.
I like the flow of this one, and I like the short and sweetness of it. :D However, I think the one rhyme 'mirr' should be changed, it's pretty weird. One rhyme that comes to mind is seer.
Also, in the fourth line perhaps instead of 'losing a tear' 'shedding a tear' would be better, because losing a tear is a hard thing to picture (for me).
But I like this, still.

Scott

[KisuKimmi]

Its pretty good

[Dallisa <3]

great write. the flow is good but my only suggestion would be making mirror rhyme with the other lines in the first stanza good job :)

[Aekmy]

Great job. I can find no errors in this poem. (:

-Mary

[Andrew (not Andy, A.J. ..]

I rolled my eyes at the picture, but the poem was good.
But are you sure mirror rhymes with here fear, and tear? that was the only qualm I had about it.
Good job! Keep writing.
--Andrew

[Jenny Ge]

I love this! Although it is a little short, it's amazingly interesting. Sometimes, less is more. I rarely read poems, long or short, that have lines that speak for themselves.
Well written, and great job!