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Mine

Mine

A Poem by Gregory Hill

Previous Version
This is a previous version of Mine.



So you stand here,

Stare into the mirr',

Grasp the hands of fear,

And loose a single tear...

 

Forever do what I say,

Any thoughts of dismay,

Let the fire burn away,

Or with your life, pay.

© 2009 Gregory Hill


Author's Note

Gregory Hill
Any help would be great, The first stanza some say is choppy, though I meant for it to be somewhat so to make the point please give suggestions.



Reviews

Your awesome i love your work keep writing plz

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 10 Years Ago


The flow is really good in this line. I do agree with Scott on tweaking the fourth line to shedding a tear. Though this is short the emotion in it is exceptional. Great writing please do more;)

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 11 Years Ago


Sorry this one took me so long to get to.
I like the flow of this one, and I like the short and sweetness of it. :D However, I think the one rhyme 'mirr' should be changed, it's pretty weird. One rhyme that comes to mind is seer.
Also, in the fourth line perhaps instead of 'losing a tear' 'shedding a tear' would be better, because losing a tear is a hard thing to picture (for me).
But I like this, still.

Scott

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 11 Years Ago


Its pretty good

Posted 11 Years Ago


great write. the flow is good but my only suggestion would be making mirror rhyme with the other lines in the first stanza good job :)

Posted 11 Years Ago


Great job. I can find no errors in this poem. (:

-Mary

Posted 11 Years Ago


I rolled my eyes at the picture, but the poem was good.
But are you sure mirror rhymes with here fear, and tear? that was the only qualm I had about it.
Good job! Keep writing.
--Andrew

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I love this! Although it is a little short, it's amazingly interesting. Sometimes, less is more. I rarely read poems, long or short, that have lines that speak for themselves.
Well written, and great job!

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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Added on August 16, 2009
Last Updated on September 7, 2009

Author

Gregory Hill
Gregory Hill

Fallbrook, CA



About
Hi all I dont like writing about myself so I will be brief. I am 16 and I live in Fallbrook Ca. How much more brief can you get? I have some songs I like on here: more..

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