An Ink Sketch of a Funeral

An Ink Sketch of a Funeral

A Poem by TwoDaysTooLate
"

For all those who feel alone today,

"
I knock over an inkwell, the ink
Rolls like raindrops down a page,
I have an ink sketch of a funeral
That will get darker with age.

I flick my pen with boredom, the ink
Lands like smeared blood on a page,
I have an ink sketch of a funeral
That will get blacker with age.

I punch a wall with fury, the blood
Runs like spilt tears down a page.
I have an ink sketch of a funeral,
That will get more painful with age.

I see a crowd of mourners, the black
Scattered like mistakes on a page,
I have an ink sketch of a funeral
That will bring my death with age.

I see nothing in my coffin, the dark
Enveloping my crisp white page,
I have an ink sketch of a funeral
That will just bring nothing with age.

© 2016 TwoDaysTooLate


Author's Note

TwoDaysTooLate
Honest reviews please :) oh, also feel free to vent in reviews or privately as well :) I don't mind hearing about your bad day...

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Featured Review

Some dark imagery portrayed here. I love the idea of something adding to the sketch in each stanza. There is however one line that I thought you could have written better(but that is just my own personal preference) that is "like mistakes on a page." couldn't you have used a more interesting metaphor, something like "the mourners strewn like rough drawn silhouettes across the page." Other than that, an interesting poem with dark images. Well done

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

TwoDaysTooLate

8 Years Ago

Thank you for your review :) it is very much appreciated - your preference has been noted and I hone.. read more



Reviews

At the very least, the adherence to a formal construct without having the form overwhelm the piece is admirable and admirably done. I'd be curious to see a free-verse version of this piece. It's a very solid piece of work.

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

TwoDaysTooLate

8 Years Ago

Thank you so much! Your review is much appreciated :) I will try to get a free verse version up and .. read more
Some dark imagery portrayed here. I love the idea of something adding to the sketch in each stanza. There is however one line that I thought you could have written better(but that is just my own personal preference) that is "like mistakes on a page." couldn't you have used a more interesting metaphor, something like "the mourners strewn like rough drawn silhouettes across the page." Other than that, an interesting poem with dark images. Well done

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

TwoDaysTooLate

8 Years Ago

Thank you for your review :) it is very much appreciated - your preference has been noted and I hone.. read more
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V
I really like this one. The title which you also use as a line in every stanza is great, well written. Dark imagery, good flow. I think you did well.

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

TwoDaysTooLate

8 Years Ago

Thank you for your review :) I really did enjoy writing it and re-using the last line frequently - i.. read more
V

8 Years Ago

I also like to use frequent repetitions in my writings sometimes. :)

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155 Views
3 Reviews
Added on January 21, 2016
Last Updated on January 21, 2016

Author

TwoDaysTooLate
TwoDaysTooLate

Crimson Peak, Rain Streaked Glass, United Kingdom



About
So, I'm 16, and people underestimate me. I've not really shared my writing before, other than with my various English teachers, because I've been unsure of whether I'll be accepted, whether my wri.. more..

Writing