Biscuit Tin Tension

One perspective of race crime.

A cold Glock locks on,

It’s elementary, Watson,

Change the channel, what’s on?

More Oreo, more war eo,

Ipso, I’m bored of it.

Hereafter, i’m scoring it,

Single or double sweat not,

For the crowd sees a home run,

Roars, screams, when all’s done

They got their tickets’ worth.

Author's Note

Thanks for reading :)

Reviews

[BobM]

First I had no idea what to make of this. Then I figured that it was describing television. The show "Sherlock", an IPSO laundry commercial, an oreo commercial, and a sports game. Then I read the description and saw it was "One perspective of race crime." So I was confused. I looked some stuff up, found out that a "war eo" might mean an executive order(EO) in wartime, as in camp extermination. And also that Donald Trump won't eat oreos because they're "too Mexican." Maybe the glock is pointing at a racial minority, and it's "elementary" to pull the trigger because of that fact.

So is this really criticizing Trump's racial discrimination(you might call it ignorance, and probably crime if he were elected) in his campaign, or am I reading way too far into this? Besides that, the meter is sort of weird at first glance, but it was really satisfying, really rolled off the tongue when I read it aloud. I liked it, really, it's a good poem.

[Eggman]

Thanks for checking it out! I wrote the poem with the intention of it seeming as though it's a random collection of ideas, and I think that you drew together a pretty accurate interpretation! I never really thought of the Trump element, but the way you described it add's a whole extra element to it! I'm glad you picked up on the television lexical field too. Thanks for the review! :)

[Firebird]

I love it! Clever and well written. Thanks to Bob for explaining! I wouldnt have got the race crime thing otherwise. I just thought the rhymes and sounds were wonderful. The first bit becomes more and more unsettled like you are getting really tense and jittery. The pace of the last few lines picks up like someone sprinting home and then the last line is like the tension has finally been relieved. Satisfying.

[Eggman]

Thank you for the reiview! I'm flattered :) In retrospect, the themes are pretty hard to find, barring the oreo metaphor maybe ;) I'm glad that you commented on the pace of the poem too. Thanks!

[Zugzwang]

Thank You, Eggman. You have validated my choice not to watch TV! I like the reference to the experience being worth the price of the ticket, especially seeing as TV is free. It was a fun read, mainly due to the use of slant rhymes. Thanks to BobM for explaining some of the references I hadn't picked up on.

[Eggman]

Thank you for the positive review! I'm glad you liked the rhymes - they were the foundation for this poem, I wanted it to feel nice when spoken. I also reccomend that you have a look at some of Bob M's work, he's a joy to read.

[Zugzwang]

Will do. Checking him out now.

[m.s.early]

Sounds like a grand illusion I was presented with. I didn't see through it at first, but truth is always revealed in time and it did.

I was particularly fond of the last line. After all, that's what's most important to most anyway. Don't worry, there will be more commercials to distract them.

[Eggman]

Ahh, it's nice to see that it worked as I had planned :) Thank you for the review - I must say that I agree with you on the last line, to me it ties everything together well.

[T.Langham]

Despite my mind being limited to a very select few words, I still don't understand this. Im sure its great though. Its defiantly fun to read.

[Eggman]

Hey T! Thanks for the positive words :) I appreciate your looking at my work.