Pure Bliss

Pure Bliss

A Story by Underestimated
"

I hope this makes you happy. :-)

"

                A stretched plain reaching as far as the eye can see. Falling over the edge of the earth was the round fiery sun, burning the sky a golden yellow.  I felt peace, a wondrous peace out here, where no one else could see me. White grass rose to the sky all around, the string like shadows falling on me. Staring into the sun, I sat cross legged on the ground, picking the grass and waving it around. I breathed it in, I breathed in the glory, bliss, and wonder. The wind rose and fell with the music of the sky, whipping my hair back into a billowing fury of brown locks. The atmosphere touched me like a pen, writing incredible feeling deep into my white skin. A smile formed on my lips, a real one. My cheeks burnt slowly with the sun’s heat. I laid my body back completely onto the ground, staring into the blue sky, spotted with puffy clouds. Placing my warm palms on my bare chest I closed my eyes, enhancing the gritty ground that was massaging my back. Everything was perfect.

  

© 2012 Underestimated


Author's Note

Underestimated
I've wanted to write this for soooo long. I put the picture for Good Girl and just had to describe it. It makes me feel so happy. Be critical, please. I haven't got enough of that lately.

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Reviews

I just love this one, Its sooo uplifting, the imagery is so real, I want to be there in this place. The atmosphere touched me like a pen, writing incredible feeling deep into my white skin. Welldone.

Posted 7 Years Ago


I like the photo and your words. The strong description gave life to photo and your words. Good to find peace in nature and calm. Thank you for sharing the outstanding poetry.
Coyote

Posted 7 Years Ago


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Pax
wow, i really though you were writing this like in the picture, what i mean is that you write it as if you were really there and its done very good. Love how you describe everything here. Well done my friend.

Posted 7 Years Ago


This is nice. I liked the imagery.

Posted 7 Years Ago


I feel all warm and fuzzy!!:3

Posted 7 Years Ago


happiness. beautiful, descriptive story

Posted 7 Years Ago


This is a beautifully expressed piece that works well with the image you have chosen. You did a wonderful job on it and your imagery is clear. Your feeling of peace in this place is well communicated and "painted" verbally.

My only suggestion, (since you asked) would be to go back through carefully and remove some of the adjectives. For example, "A smile formed on my pink lips," to me, the pink is unnecessary.

As a contrast, the image here has just the right amount of adjectives "White grass rose to the sky all around, the string like shadows falling on me." Here, your addition of "White" to grass which distinguishes it from green grass has added something. It's all quite tricky this writing craft...I constantly wonder about my own work. I still am amazed at your skills...

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 7 Years Ago


Excellent, and well written piece. Great vocabulary! I loved it.

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 7 Years Ago


Wow, this is so beautiful, I loved it! I felt as if I was there in your place, experiencing what you were. I especially love the idea of the sun "falling over the edge of the earth," so fantasy-like!! Ah.... that's awesome.

The only question I have is that I thought there was grass all around you, and then at the end you lay back in the sand. But maybe I'm just missing something.

Very descriptive, peaceful write!

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 7 Years Ago



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615 Views
9 Reviews
Rating
Added on May 30, 2012
Last Updated on May 30, 2012
Tags: happiness, bliss, wonder, feeling, incredible, grass, wind, girl, hair, sunset

Author

Underestimated
Underestimated

About
I'm thirteen. A very young and inexperienced writer. I love romance, adventure and supsense writing. (and maybe, just a little bit of horror) But I am so excited to see what I'll learn being here! .. more..

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