Graduation Day!

This poem is dedicated to my cousin and her big day! She's growing up into a mature person. She's fam ^^

                              

                                                                    School has finally come to an end

                                                              Wishing for more wouldn't satisfy me then

                                                         I'm going to be grateful for what it has taught me

                                                       Unwinding my course playing in the hands of destiny

                                                                  All the memories of when I was young

                                                                I'm growing up now with many years to come

                                                              This is only the portion of what I'm feeling

                                                                Considering the undertone of my plea

                                                              I'm now entering the courses of adulthood

                                                               Gaining more wisdom than anyone ever could

                                                              So I'm free now from these bounded rules

                                                                    With these shades on I know I'm cool

                                                                                                                                                

                                                                

                                                          This is for you cousin. Happy Graduation Day!

                                                                        God has you in His sight

                                                                     I see yourself glowing bright

                                                               With that smile... you're embracing the truth

                                                                     

                                                            

Author's Note

My heart was calling on me to do this poem for her since this is her big day. Love her! Don't care about errors for this one!

Reviews

[Kyle Sky]

Very nice of you to write a poem for her. I'm guessing she must be proud to have you write and post this. Nice piece.

[Riley Bray]

I'd like to begin this by apologizing for my absence from reviewing, but my hiatus is over and I am back! While I noticed in the author's note that you didn't care for errors, I have a duty in responding to the read request to give you some constructive criticism if that is what, for you, I can provide. My thoughts on the matter are as follows, though they are rather minor indeed:

Unwinding my course playing in the hands of destiny-------------Interesting line, I like it. The only thing is I think you should either have a comma or a line break after course, because when you read it you pause naturally there. (It sounds like a run-on otherwise).

All the memories of when I was young----------------------------------"Of" should be "from"

I'm growing up now with many years to come------------------------I'd suggest deleting the with and having either a comma or a line break since it sounds more natural then.

This is only the portion of what I'm feeling---------------------------"the" should be "a"

Considering the undertone of my plea---------------------------------I'd suggest changing considering to consider. That way it would mean think of my plea, which would work better with the next sentence. I say this because considering means that you are thinking of your plea, but the next sentence shows you were asking an outsider to ponder it, which contradicts the first line and makes the meaning fuzzy and unclear.

I'm now entering the courses of adulthood--------------------------"I'm now" should probably be "now I'm," and courses shouldn't be plural

Gaining more wisdom than anyone ever could-----------------------I think the word ever takes away from the poem, so deleting it would be far from detrimental.

So I'm free now from these bounded rules--------------------------I don't think bounded is the right word, perhaps you were looking for abundant?

End all be all, a nice, sweet, and heartfelt poem for your dear cousin. I'm glad you have maintained a decent relationship with your kin and are able to identify with her still. I appreciate the chance to give you a true review and learn a little about your life personally, so well done. Kudos

[Zahra]

Very nice beautiful write.

[Baby Ricochet]

Happy graduation cousin.

[Erica Ross]

Awwwww :) this is so sweet !! Thanks so much William! You're the best !! You're up next !

[William C Jones III]

Alright I'll be looking forward to it lol ^^

[Dark Rider]

Well, as far as I could tell, there were no errors. This was just great. I love how you write. It's just amazing. Great job. :)

[William C Jones III]

Thanks again:)

[Dark Rider]

You're welcome. :)

[Lover Of Words]

Graduation is the best thing in a young persons life I have already been though it and it is a great feeling Congrats to your cousin and she should be honored by such a great dedication Nice job

[Simon Welsh]

Graduation rules. This poem rules. Nice one.

[William C Jones III]

Thanks man ^^

[John Alexander McFadyen]

A lovely unselfish tribute that displays love for your cousin and shows you have a very caring nature.
one suggestion:
Gaining wisdom than anyone ever could
-Gaining more wisdom than anyone ever could?

[Ravyne Hawke]

Love this wonderful dedication poem. Well done.

[William C Jones III]

Thanks ^^