A Mother's Love

Didn't want to go through this month without doing a poem for my mom. This is dedicated to Mother's Day!

            

                                                                     Oh words can't express my love for you

                                                                       The times when you sang songs to me

                                                                            Hearing your heavenly melody

                                                                   Providing me with the fruits of your majesty

                                                                              You made me feel like I could fly

                                                                             Even though if I fell from the sky

                                                                               You will be there to lift me up

                                                                                  When life gets too rough

                                                                        The passion that you show is well enough

                                                                              Loving you is like food to my soul

                                                              You're my guardian angel of Earth just so you know

                                                                      Thinking of you now reminiscent of your days

                                                                So I'm here to give praises in many different ways

                                                                      When I make the wrong descisions in life

                                                           After a good scolding you tell me what to do what is right

                                                                         So this is my poem that I've made for you

                                                                        When I come home I'm there to give kisses too

                                                    P.S                                 

                                                                                          

                                                                             

                                                                       

Reviews

[BlackPrince]

This poem certainly truthfully praises a mother. And, indeed, praise to womanhood, the blessed portal through which we all came on Earth.

MAY THE CREATOR OF HEAVEN AND EARTH BLESS ALL OUR MOTHERS, SISTERS, GIRLFRIENDS AND WIVES.

[Riley Bray]

This is a good poem, in its own right. Its very considerate of you to immortalize your mother in poetry, and sweet that you would do so on the internet, of all places. This is definitely a good present for mothers day, and its written rather well.

The times when you sang songs to me-----------You cut off your first line using this, since this is mentioning an old memory and the last part was talking about your love for her. I think you need a line in between the two so that it doesn't seem as choppy. Next, the word sang automatically tells you it was a song, so the word song is a little out of place and isn't really necessary.

Hearing your heavenly melody-------------------------This line should at very least indicate the end of a thought. Refer to the next part for further explanation.

Providing me with the fruits of your majesty-------By this point the person forgets what the reason for this was. This line in specific seems a little forced with an odd rhyme, and I don't think it really needs to be here anyway. To get back to what I was saying, though, "the times when you sang to me, hearing your heavenly melody, providing me with the fruits of your majesty," reading it like that sounds weird, doesn't it? Its because the way you set these lines up is just one thought that reaches its midpoint but then isn't finished.

Even though if I fell from the sky------------This doesn't really make sense. You aren't actually flying so you should reword this. Remember, you're describing a feeling, not an action.

You will be there to lift me up---------------You've been using past tense, so that shouldn't get disrupted. Keep an eye on tenses because they can be tricky.

When life gets too rough--------------------------This breaks the flow.

The passion that you show is well enough------This line doesn't make sense because the words you use don't fit and aren't meant to be put together in this context. Well and enough are really the oddball words here.

Loving you is like food to my soul----------For correct grammar to should be for.

You're my guardian angel of Earth just so you know-----This sounds weird and breaks the flow. "Of earth" isn't really necessary since it is implied.

Thinking of you now reminiscent of your days------------The definition of reminiscent is both tending to remind someone of something or suggesting something by resemblance. Therefore this isn't probably the word you were looking for. Also, there is a natural pause after the word now, so I suggest a comma be added.

When I make the wrong descisions in life----------------------Descisions is actually spelled decisions.

After a good scolding you tell me what to do what is right-------"you tell me what to do what is right," this calls either for a comma and a conjunction or a deletion.

So this is my poem that I've made for you--------The word my should be the.

When I come home I'm there to give kisses too-------By adding the word too the grammar is screwed with, so by deleting it you perfect the sentence. Also, you need a comma after the word home.

To conclude, I think you need to work on perfecting grammar and correct use of tenses, but you have a kind heart and many good topic ideas. This is a wonderful present and I am glad that you have shared it, so congratulations William.

[Zahra]

This is really beautiful and touching. Amazingly done!

[Dark Rider]

First off, this was so good. I love your poems. They're just awesome. Second, that is just a too cute puppy! XD Great job.

[Half Dream]

Beautiful tribute to your mother and all moms around the world! Our mothers are the most beautiful creations from God! I have been blessed of having such a sweet mother in my life! Your words made my day! Thanks for sharing this wonderful piece with us. I really loved it! Great job. : D

[William C Jones III]

Thank you. I'm glad this piece was able to shine your day :)

[Baby Ricochet]

A lovely dedication to moms the world over

[William C Jones III]

Thanks man!

[Jack...]

A very nice poem for your mother. I am sure it made her smile.

[William C Jones III]

yeah :) it did

[Ravyne Hawke]

This is such a beautiful dedication to your Mother.. endearing and loving.. well done

[William C Jones III]

Thanks ^^

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Lovely to read of such love for your mother. The poem is a little crude in places but with a little crafting it will improve greatly.