Valentine's Day

Valentine's Day

A Poem by ;

I loved you

You loved me

It was always what we thought it to be

We got married immediatley

Then on febuary 14th you left me

Now standing over your grave I say"Happy Annerversary, Honey"

© 2008 ;


Author's Note

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Say what you please!

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This is so sad, such a brutal ending, a tragedy. I feel like the words were missing some more of the emotion, somewhat less descriptive of the love you had. This is a beautifully brutal piece, i would never wish such a loss on anyone.
This piece don't get me wrong is quite good as it stands, but upon some expansion could be amazing.
thank you for entering my contest.

Posted 13 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

the rhyming and shortness of it was great and unexpected. very enjoyable!thx for entering my contest
@--}-- --{[email protected]
starrunner

Posted 11 Years Ago


how so much can be said in just a few lines
is a beautiful thing, this just brings tears to my heart....
and yet it is so beautiful

Posted 12 Years Ago


liked this! ha, wasn't what i was expecting. the rhyme scheme was gentle and wellchosen. and what a sad ending! i liked how you kept it short - it worked well.



Posted 13 Years Ago


Nice twist. Might want to run a spell check though. I like the 'straight and to the point'.

Posted 13 Years Ago


This is so sad, such a brutal ending, a tragedy. I feel like the words were missing some more of the emotion, somewhat less descriptive of the love you had. This is a beautifully brutal piece, i would never wish such a loss on anyone.
This piece don't get me wrong is quite good as it stands, but upon some expansion could be amazing.
thank you for entering my contest.

Posted 13 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.

That was nice and grim, just the way any good piece of dark prose should be. I liked it very much, but you may wish to revisit the meter. Doing away with unnecessary wording could give it a bit more impact. For instance, in the last line 'Now, standing over your grave I say "Happy Anniversary, Honey"' you could change it to read:
"Now, I stand over your grave,
Happy Anniversary."
Just a thought, and I may be completely mistaken. In either case, it's a nice piece of work.

Posted 13 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Ouch! Very sad.

T'SaS

Posted 13 Years Ago


1 of 2 people found this review constructive.

Smile! fading to Sad....
I liked it though... a tragic flip of fate, I couldn't imagine what that would be like, love and loose so quickly. Yet i suppose that stuff like this does happen in life.
Good read!

Posted 13 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Great write... very powerful...

Posted 13 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

LOL I love the bossy author's note. All joking aside it was a great write, good job, now did they leave you or did you help them leave? Just kidding great write good job short sweet simple and to the point.

Posted 13 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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13 Reviews
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Added on February 15, 2008
Last Updated on August 5, 2008

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