Hold it In

Hold in that cloud,
Hold in that gas,
I swear, if I hear that inevitability loud,
Deadly, Smelly Sound, I'll pass,
Out! Then I'll go about!
I'll pack up, skip town,
And you and your Tormenting Toots,
Will never see me around,
Again! So this advice, I'll lend:

If you want to keep the peace,
If you want to save the air,
Keep those Cumulus Carbons inside,
Clench that exit hole with care!

I won't bother bat an eye,
Or even look in your direction,
If your colon dilates inside,
Stomach with severe distention,
And you float up to the sky,
With a goofy, stupid grin,
Wave the woeful world goodbye,
And say, "I'm glad I held it in."

Reviews

[barleygirl]

You've definitely taken the fart rant further than I've ever seen it taken. I like to touch on neglected topics, but you've almost digressed into toilet humor territory. I'm not saying this is bad (people think my writing is similarly bad at times). I'm just saying this depth of toilet humor won't be for everyone. Frankly, I'm in favor of freeing our bowel expectations of one another. For some strange reason your poem reminded me of how my mom, a hairdresser for 50 years, held in her farts for hours while working on patrons. She always claimed doing that made it damn-near impossible for her to pass gas easily like normal people. After she got home from work, she was doubled over, grinding out farts all evening, each one driven out with beads of sweat. Clearly I've got the urge for a dueling poem here. Not sure if it will materialize . . . we'll see. Thanks for the inspiration! (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[VelvetPotato]

Hi Margie! Thanks for the feedback. I'm not sure how I feel about being toilet humor. However I probably asked for it. Like you said, I sometimes like to touch on neglected topics. It was written in frustration and humor towards my boyfriend's flatulence, haha.

[barleygirl]

For years, I had a response of "good or bad" to various topics . . . pre-loaded with my opinions. I did not mean to provoke a judgmental feeling with my "toilet humor" remark (I can see how that phrase is associated with a derogatory response). These days, I feel any authentic topic about human nature is a great thing to write about & can be written about in many different ways that are effective. I've had my share of bad fart experiences at work. Somehow I always had to sit near some blasting pig & I even turned one guy into the personnel office becuz he would walk across the entire large office, just to fart at me! He stood in my cubicle opening & farted like it was so cute & funny & entertaining. I know how annoying that can be! (not to say that your boyfriend is doing it with malicious humor *heh! heh! heh!*) Please don't take offense at me. I have no filter many times! I love your writing & your authenticity!

[HadesRising]

Very well written piece of poetry. Well Done.

[VelvetPotato]

Thank you!