Dravidian Love Song

This was very difficult. It was an attempt to do a poetic translation and integration of several Telugu love songs. My grasp of the language is still not great, so I hope this does some justice.

Moonshine mistress, nadiche nakshatra,

Magic-melting, melded flesh and evening,

Saunter with me--paraphrase emotion

As motion through the manifold shadows' weaving.

 

Ye viluva cheppadamlo? I can tell

What your mysteries on the terrace stones imply,

As bees interpret seduction-sugared secrets

Nestling in the bloom’s wind-weeping eye.

 

Every footfall speaks capricious urges,

Evolving lyrics from your formless wanderings,

Anklets shaking syncopation, saffron-

Harped harmonics, braids like rain clouds thundering.

 

Pillalaga avuthaamante, in the night’s lap,

Then mythic midnight mantras are translated

As twists of grass, and leaf-sighs, as we listen,

Drunk, with bellies warm and star-milk sated.

 

If some eye finds that you have left your keep,

Come then what may; there’s nothing more to say.

Ninne kalisi bhume kanugonaane.

Naatho pratini kaluchandile. 

Translation notes:

Nadiche nakshatra - walking star

Ye viluva cheppadamlo? - what's the benefit in speaking it?

Pillalaga avuthaamante - if we were to become as children

Ninne kalisi bhume kanugonaane - Having met you, I've found a veritable earth.

Naatho pratini kaluchandile - Together with me, acquaint yourself with everything. 

Author's Note

Apologies for any mistranslated Telugu, I am open to suggestion and correction. This is roughly based off the songs "Vennilave" and "O Cheliya, Naa Priya Sakhiya" and I tried to keep a similar feeling to the songs, maintaining some of the same tropes and such. I hope it's alright. No copyright infringement of the original songs intended. I mean this as a tribute to the music, not a rip-off of it.

Here's Vennilave.


Note that this is the Tamil version, Telugu's sister language. I feel the video quality is superior and the message is the same.

Reviews

[durrya]

Moonshine mistress, nadiche nakshatra,
Magic-melting, melded flesh and evening,
Saunter with me--paraphrase emotion
As motion through the manifold shadows' weaving.

L-O-V-E-L-Y , though some words are completely unknown to me but the way you captured the whole nature in a complete beautiful poem, that's amazing.
The poem magic is not melting!

[VennelaMargame]

Thank you kindly. I include the translation footnotes at the bottom for just that purpose. Hope that my use of the language is correct, I'm still not a great speaker of it.

By "magic-melting," I meant something along the lines of "magic which can melt something," not necessarily "magic which, itself, melts." Ha ha.

Best wishes.

[durrya]

i will see the translation. Thanks and best wishes. ^^

[Pete Langley]

You don`t translate beauty in this piece, Vennela ...you weave a tapestry of pure poetic opulence.Rich and luscious, the fourth quatrain especiallly so. P.

[VennelaMargame]

Thank you, Pete. Telugu brings out the sappy love poet in me.

[BL]

Beautifully written, this is something else, i am librarying it so I can read it again.

[VennelaMargame]

Thank you. This was a tough write.

[Muse]

maybe a link to the song on Youtube..in case the reader wants to listen to it?

[VennelaMargame]

I tried that but couldn't get it to embed like I wanted.

[Muse]

give me the link..I'll help.

[VennelaMargame]

Here she is. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wkkrkXzKCDo

[Muse]

Don't apologize, you challenged yourself to try something new and different. This reminds me at my attempt to rewrite John Milton's Paradise Lost, lol...I don't think it turned out nearly as good as this.

Pillalaga avuthaamante, in the night’s lap,
Then mythic midnight mantras are translated
As twists of grass, and leaf-sighs, as we listen,
Drunk, with bellies warm and star-milk sated.

Even if I don't understand some of it...it's still reads as a work of art.

[VennelaMargame]

Thank you. Do you think I should include translation footnotes at the bottom maybe?

[Muse]

I would, for a unique writing such as this, it will educate the reader on your intentions here.

[VennelaMargame]

Will get right on that.

[VennelaMargame]

Alright, hope that helps. :)

[VennelaMargame]

Hope you like the song.